Conflict is inevitable in a D/s relationship. No matter how well negotiated your power exchange is or how well-behaved a submissive is, disagreements, hurt feelings, upset, and anger will happen at some point.
We’ve broken down how to deal with conflict into several sections and shared podcast episodes and blog posts from our archive that will help you take a deeper dive into the the topic.
Sources of Conflict in D/s
Just like in the rest of your life, there are too many things that can be the source of conflict in your power exchange relationship. These episodes aren’t an exhaustive list, but they’re some of what we’ve found to be common in D/s relationships.
Decision Fatigue in Power Exchange (episode 348)
Mental Load in Power Exchange (episode 354)
How Stress Impacts D/s Relationships (episode 187)
Our Power Exchange During Stress (episode 306)
Burnout in Power Exchange and Kink (episode 302)
Anger in D/s Relationships (episode 170)
Submitting While Angry or Upset (episode 320)
Jealousy in D/s Relationships (episode 148)
Disagreements and Arguments in D/s Relationships (episode 25)
5 Signs of Unhealthy Insecurities in Your D/s Relationship (blog post)
Communication Strategies
Communication is a skill that we all need to learn – no one is naturally good at it. A lot goes into how you communicate and why you communicate the way you do. (Sometimes the “how” is what causes the conflict.) Below are some of our tips for how to effectively communicate in your D/s relationship as well as some of the skills you’ll need to become a better communicator.
Our Top Tips for Communication in BDSM (episode 218)
Effective Communication in Your D/s Relationship (episode 40)
The Importance of Empathy in D/s Relationships (episode 268)
Emotional Intelligence and Power Exchange (episode 473)
Collaboration and Teamwork in D/s (episode 309)
Relationship Attachment Styles and Power Exchange (episode 258)
Dealing with Conflict in D/s
Conflict in any relationship is inevitable. If you don’t deal with conflict as it happens, it’s only going to come out in other ways that aren’t great for your power exchange. Here are some tips, strategies, and tools on how to handle it when it happens.
How to Handle Conflict in Your D/s Relationship (blog post)
How to Handle Negative Emotions in Your Power Exchange (blog post)
Why You Need to Say the Thing You’re Dreading (blog post)
Going to Bed Angry (episode 251)
Apologies in D/s Relationships (blog post)
Figuring Our Our Apology Language (episode 253)
Holding Each Other Accountable in D/s Relationships (episode 205)
How to Hold Your Dominant Accountable (episode 57)
Punishment and Consequences in D/s
Punishment and consequences aren’t automatically part of a power exchange relationship, and they’re not always a source of conflict that results in anger or hurt feelings. But for those kinksters who use them, this is a type of conflict that gets dealt with using consequences when rules are broken.
Discipline, Punishment, and Consequences in D/s (episode 58)
Silence as Punishment (video)
Understanding Discipline and Punishment (blog post)
Is Punishment a Necessary Part of Power Exchange? (Q&A episode 54)
Positive Reinforcement in Power Exchange (episode 262)
Avoiding Conflict in D/s
None of us get to avoid all conflict in our power exchange, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing we can do about it before it happens.
Navigating Stress Before It Happens in D/s Relationships (episode 366)
Deciding When to Compromise in BDSM (episode 241)
Having an Attitude of Gratitude in Your D/s Relationship (episode 108)
How to Show Gratitude in Your D/s Relationship (blog post)
Building and Maintaining Trust in Your Power Exchange (episode 31)
6 Reasons Why Being Consistent Matters (blog post)
Why Dominants Need to Be Consistent (episode 151)
How to be Consistent in D/s (episode 440)
