Positive Reinforcement

1 Response

  1. Quinn Rhodes says:

    It feel so weird to comment here rather than on a YouTube video! (I admit that I refreshed your YouTube page several times over the last two days, wondering if I’d missed the notification for your video.) I definitely was a bit nervous clicking on this week’s episode, because I very much associate positive reenforcement (in a kinky setting) with behaviour modification, which is a thing I have a lot of feelings about. I don’t know whether it’s something I’m interested in or it’s a VERY hard limit, and my mental illness and natural tendency to hate myself for anything less than being perfect means it’s a thing I want to approach with caution and maybe play with in a more ‘funishment’, in-scene (bedroom?) type way? I think it’s also a place where maybe I actually believed the fantasy of tumblr porn, air-quote-Doms, etc. and low-key internalised the idea that behaviour modification *had* to be a part of a D/s dynamic. Obviously I know most of the time that there’s no “right” way to be submissive but I think I maybe kinda believed it around this? Anyway, thank you for a really brilliant episode that made me much less scared to think about positive reenforcement and behaviour modification in D/s and also about how positive reenforcement can appear in other aspects of BDSM that are less 24/7. Also hearing you talk about the SUBMISSIVE doing things to reenforce the DOMINANT’S behaviour was brilliant and a thing I was think-shouting questions about as I listened, and you definitely helped me understand that more. I had *not* heard that the creator of the five love languages thingy was a massive homophobe, so thank you for that heads-up, and I feel it’s also relevant to tell you that I loudly snort-giggled in public when Kayla talked about getting consent from the horse. Re: everything discussed in the bonus section, I have SO MANY THOUGHTS about stressors (stressful things we need to deal with) versus stress (how those stressful things make us feel and how that sits in our body) after reading Burnout (by Emily and Amelia Nagoski) last summer, but I will not comment-yell them at you here but instead might slide into Kayla’s DMs later. Anyway, thank you for a fab episode! As ever you teach me how much I still have to learn about D/s and what things I want to explore with my own relationship to kink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.