5 Ways to Keep Your Long Distance Relationship Going Between Visits
You’re in a long distance D/s relationship, and you’ve got weeks or months to go until the next visit. The wait feels impossibly long, and you’re not sure you can handle it. Even when you’re the patient one in the relationship, sometimes that time between one visit and the next is longer than you care to admit.
For our kinky friends in committed long distance D/s relationships that involve regular (or occasional) visits, here are a few suggestions on what to do in between. Hopefully it’ll make the wait seem a bit shorter and give you opportunities to connect when you need it most.
Plan the Next Visit
Whenever possible plan your next visit before or just after the current one ends. Get your calendars out, and even if it’s tentative figure out a date. Maybe it’s an upcoming work conference or a long weekend. Maybe the kids will be with the other parent or the roommates will be out of town.
Will this work every time? No, unfortunately. And will life intervene and ruin perfectly laid plans? Unfortunately, yes, sometimes it happens. If you’re the type who can’t stand that kind of uncertainty, this might not work for you. But if you feel better knowing the next visit is “right around the corner,” try this one out and see if it helps.
Educate Yourself as a Kinkster
Learning about BDSM, D/s, and kink in a relationship can be a lot of fun, especially in those hands-on activities. But there’s nothing wrong with continuing your education while apart. It can lead to a lot of great conversations, and you may teach your partner something they didn’t know before.
While our partners can be “everything” to us, we still have to be our own person first. Taking responsibility for learning more about BDSM and D/s can be a part of that. Even if it’s a kink your partner is very familiar with or that you’ve explored before, there’s always something new to learn. What you discover may help keep you in the kinky mindset you crave or it may add to the list of kinky fuckery you’ll experience during your next visit.
Focus on Enhancing Your Communication
In any long distance relationship, but especially D/s relationships, communication is everything. Routines and easy-to-use tools are only part of it. It’s not just how you talk to each but what you talk about. While the easy, lighter, “How was your day” conversations are good, take time to go deeper.
We have listeners tell us they use podcast episodes as conversation starters. Others use the 30 Days of D/s program (free!) to do it. While you’ve got nothing but words and voices, use it to say the hard things and discover more about each other.
This isn’t an every day thing, as it can take a bit of mental and emotional energy to navigate. But discussing deeper topics on a regular basis can help keep your connection strong. And sometimes, it’s easier to be vulnerable from a distance, so you say more than you might if you were together.
We never used this while we were long distance, but I see this on Twitter from multiple kinky friends (h/t to them for the idea). Install a countdown app on your phone and watch the days (slowly) get shorter. Use social media to announce how long until your next visit — this is where having a kinky social media persona comes in handy. A hundred days sounds like a lot, but knowing that the next day is 99, then 98, etc, feels like progress.
The wonderful Willow will often screenshot how many days are left until her next visit, and the community cheers her on. And it’s the community aspect that can help the most. You’re definitely not the only one in a long distance D/s relationship or missing your partner. By talking about it, you give voice to your feelings — which can help you feel less alone and get the support you need from your kinky community.
Sexting, Nudes, and All the Sexy Things
If sex is part of your D/s relationship, long distance or otherwise, this is definitely an obvious one, but still worth mentioning. It’s easy to let vanilla life get in the way of your sexy, kinky fun times — even when a few miles or literal oceans separate you. When you feel it happening (it will, it’s inevitable eventually), re-focus your attention on what feels good.
And if you’re at a loss at all the sex and kink you can have in a long distance D/s relationship, it’s time to let your imagination go wild:
- Edged orgasms throughout the day — with reports
- Mutual masturbation on Skype or over the phone
- All. The. Sexting. Dirty talk is your friend in LDR. And you don’t have to be good at it for it to feel good.
- Daily pictures — nudes or otherwise
- Touching, stroking, or anything else to yourself while your partner watches you –FaceTime, Skype, etc.
- Forced orgasms with a sex toys
- Guided masturbation over the phone
- Wearing clamps, plugs, or small vibes (that fit in your underwear)
- Using sex tech like We-Vibe or Mystery Vibe that can’t be controlled by a smartphone
- A guided kinky scene where the Dominant instructs and the submissive complies
What matters most is that you find what you both enjoy and get creative in how you experience it.
Long distance D/s relationships are difficult — let’s be very clear about that. Even with all the tips and tricks, there will be days when you’re aching with missing your partner. All you can do is lean on your partner and your kinky friends and ride it out. Hopefully, some of these tips will help you have more good days than bad until your next visit.
Now it’s your turn. What do you do to get through time apart in your long distance D/s relationship?