About us


We help kinksters like you have happy, healthy power exchange relationships. No matter how you define BDSM and no matter what kind of kinky relationship you want, we’re here to help!


We are John Brownstone (the Dom) and Kayla Lords (the sub), a married D/s couple, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences on this thing we call BDSM.

Grow and Learn With Us!


In our weekly podcast, we discuss all aspects of how to have a happy, healthy power exchange relationship.


You can watch the podcast during a weekly live stream, plus learn more about BDSM, check out product reviews, and more!


We believe in having a community to help you grow and to offer support on this BDSM journey. Join our kinky community on Patreon!

banner with Loving BDSM logos and text extra help, info, and fun stuff

Feel like a total noob? Don’t know what you don’t know? We offer resources for new kinksters here on our site and a list of resources you can find around the internet. Start with D/s for Beginners and then check out our BDSM resource page.

Still trying to figure out how you feel about D/s, power exchange, and BDSM? Get the 30 Days of D/s workbook to help you think about BDSM in a more manageable way and figure out what YOU want. Buy it here.

Do you like BDSM toys, kinky gear, and fun swag? You can shop John Brownstone’s kinky store at The Kinkery or at the Loving BDSM Etsy shop!

Got a kinky question about D/s relationships, the BDSM community, or something else you’d like to know more about? Ask your question here and it could be answered in a future podcast episode!

Check out the Loving BDSM Blog

We share tips and how-tos, answer BDSM questions, offer our thoughts and insight, share product reviews, and publish the show notes for every podcast episode on our blog! Take a look!

episode 399 of the Loving BDSM podcast

BDSM Reddit Response

We’re one week away from our 400th episode, so we’re starting the celebration early with a BDSM Reddit response episode! In this episode: Ask your questions for our Monday episodes. We’re celebrating 10,000 subscribers...

episode 398 of the Loving BDSM podcast

Over Communication in Power Exchange

Most kinksters aren’t communicating too much, but some of us (like Kayla) could be, so let’s talk about it. In this episode: We need your questions for our Monday episodes. The most common issue...

Q&A episode

Q&A: Is My Dom the Problem or Am I?

A submissive has a recurring issue about aftercare with their Dominant partner and wants to know: are they the problem or is it me? Here’s the question: I’ve been dating a dom for about...

episode 397 of the Loving BDSM podcast

Submission With Control Issues

We joke about Kayla’s control issues, but they’re definitely a thing we both have to navigate in our power exchange. In this episode: We joke about Kayla’s control issues all the time.  The stereotype...

episode 396 of the Loving BDSM podcast

What Grounds or Centers You in Kink?

Hair pulling inspired this week’s episode – because it was a grounding and/or centering moment in kink. So let’s talk about it. In this episode: Friday night live stream on May 17 starting at...