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About us


We help kinksters like you have happy, healthy power exchange relationships. No matter how you define BDSM and no matter what kind of kinky relationship you want, we're here to help!


We are John Brownstone (the Dom) and Kayla Lords (the sub), a married D/s couple, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences on this thing we call BDSM.

Grow and Learn With Us!


In our weekly podcast, we discuss all aspects of how to have a happy, healthy power exchange relationship.


You can watch the podcast during a weekly live stream, plus learn more about BDSM, check out product reviews, and more!


We believe in having a community to help you grow and to offer support on this BDSM journey. Join our kinky community on Patreon!

banner with Loving BDSM logos and text extra help, info, and fun stuff

Feel like a total noob? Don’t know what you don’t know? We offer resources for new kinksters here on our site and a list of resources you can find around the internet. Start with D/s for Beginners and then check out our BDSM resource page.

Still trying to figure out how you feel about D/s, power exchange, and BDSM? Get the 30 Days of D/s workbook to help you think about BDSM in a more manageable way and figure out what YOU want. Buy it here.

Do you like BDSM toys, kinky gear, and fun swag? You can shop John Brownstone’s kinky store at The Kinkery or buy Loving BDSM merch on Redbubble!

Check out the Loving BDSM Blog

We share tips and how-tos, answer BDSM questions, offer our thoughts and insight, share product reviews, and publish the show notes for every podcast episode on our blog! Take a look!

What is an Alpha Sub?

In this week’s episode, we talk about the label “alpha sub” — how it was defined when we first heard of it and what it means to many people today. In this episode: Thanks...

What Do You Bring to the Table?

John Brownstone posed an interesting question when thinking about power exchange relationships and new potential partners: What do you bring to the table as a kinkster and just as a person? So that’s what...

Love Bombing and Power Exchange

A listener sent us a question about telling the difference between love bombing and being an eager caregiver type with new relationship energy (NRE). We decided to talk about love bombing, ideas for figuring...

Collaboration and Teamwork

This week, we’re revisiting a topic we talked about back in 2019: teamwork in power exchange. The conversation focuses on a book we recently read specifically on the idea of having a dynamic built...

Minisode 56: Punishment Tips

Not every power exchange relationship needs (or wants!) an element of discipline, punishment, and consequences. But for those who do, there are a lot of things to keep in mind. This week, we’re sharing...

Perfectionism in Power Exchange

This week we’re talking about something near and dear to our experience — perfectionism, and how it can impact your power exchange relationship and you as a kinkster, regardless of your role. In this...

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