Do You Have to Take a BDSM Test to Figure Out Your Kinks?
When you’re new to anything it’s easy to worry about whether you’re doing things “right” or not. Am I using the right label? Will I say the right thing? Is there a right way to be a submissive or Dominant?
The questions we ask ourselves are normal, as is the worry or fear that we’re doing something wrong. The bottomline is that there is no single right or “normal” way to be Dominant, submissive, or switch. Our BDSM life is what we make of it.
But that doesn’t stop us from wondering, does it?
Enter BDSM tests — from Buzzfeed quizzes to the popular BDSMTest.org. Some of us take these tests out of curiosity and some take them because we want to know who we are, and we hope a test will help.
So let’s get back to the original question. Do you have to take a BDSM test?
Of course not, but that doesn’t mean they’re not useful…but also not always great. Basically, it’s complicated.
How BDSM Tests are Useful
BDSM tests will never be perfect, but they definitely have their uses.
Language: BDSM tests, labels, and anything that gives you the language for kink that you don’t already have is a good thing. When you’re first learning about BDSM you don’t always know where to start. A list of activities, characteristics, and titles can be a jumping off point. Take the test by answering the questions honestly, and then check the answers to see what categories it places you in. Now you have the words to start having conversations.
Education: I can’t imagine finding BDSM before the internet. Clearly people did it, and they managed just fine, but I like knowing the answer to something is a Google search away. Once you’ve got your BDSM test results, it’s time to use your results to educate yourself. Don’t know what something is? Look it up online! Not sure you want to try it? Talk to your partner!
A Starting Point: No single test or quiz about BDSM will ever encompass the entirety of the kink community or all of who you are. The results are simply a starting point for you to figure out what you like and where you want to go from here. When you take it with a partner, you can use it try things you’re both interested in. When you’re single, it helps you start to identify yourself as a kinkster.
Why a BDSM Test Can Be Problematic
Remember when I said nothing, including our beloved BDSM tests, are perfect? Yeah, about that…
They might be inaccurate. If you don’t fully understand what something is like or means, can you really answer the question honestly? If you dislike something because of what you’ve heard (but not experienced), are you able to give a full answer? In the end, the results might not be an accurate picture of who you are as a kinkster or who you will become.
It’s easy to get stuck on labels. I like labels because they help us talk about what we have in common and how we identify, but labels sometimes suck, too. We all have our own definition of what it means to be Dominant, submissive, Master, slave, Caregiver, little, kitten, puppy, you name it. If we see a label we don’t like in our results, we might wonder if we know ourselves. When we don’t see a label we enjoy, we might question our kinky selves. You get to be who you want to be and use (or reject) any label. A test doesn’t determine that for you.
They shouldn’t be used to match, rank, or otherwise “count” your BDSM authenticity. If I’m 55 percent submissive does that mean I’m less submissive than someone else? What if I’m only 33 percent babygirl but I love it? Am I supposed to give it up because it’s not high on my results? Of course not, but that doesn’t stop people from using these test results to make those kinds of decisions.
BDSM Test Options
As with all things, BDSM tests are tools. They don’t tell us everything, and we shouldn’t treat them as if they’re sacred. At most, they might help you learn more about your kinky self. At the very least, they should be fun. If seeing the results of a BDSM test stresses you out, toss them out and ignore it all together. You do not have to be (and shouldn’t be) defined by your test results.
Okay, so all of that being said, there are two BDSM tests that you might be interested in. The first is free, easy, and one of the most well known — BDSMTest.org. I took it recently, and here are my top 10 results:
- 87{f9217aa596ef7c31d3ccb66cfcebcfb2e1005627a4f091d5b036b60ab51054e9} Submissive
- 84{f9217aa596ef7c31d3ccb66cfcebcfb2e1005627a4f091d5b036b60ab51054e9} Masochist
- 72{f9217aa596ef7c31d3ccb66cfcebcfb2e1005627a4f091d5b036b60ab51054e9} Slave
- 67{f9217aa596ef7c31d3ccb66cfcebcfb2e1005627a4f091d5b036b60ab51054e9} Degradee
- 65{f9217aa596ef7c31d3ccb66cfcebcfb2e1005627a4f091d5b036b60ab51054e9} Primal (Prey)
- 63{f9217aa596ef7c31d3ccb66cfcebcfb2e1005627a4f091d5b036b60ab51054e9} Boy/Girl
- 54{f9217aa596ef7c31d3ccb66cfcebcfb2e1005627a4f091d5b036b60ab51054e9} Rope bunny
- 51{f9217aa596ef7c31d3ccb66cfcebcfb2e1005627a4f091d5b036b60ab51054e9} Brat
- 48{f9217aa596ef7c31d3ccb66cfcebcfb2e1005627a4f091d5b036b60ab51054e9} Voyeur
- 48{f9217aa596ef7c31d3ccb66cfcebcfb2e1005627a4f091d5b036b60ab51054e9} Exhibitionist
None of it surprised me. The one you can’t see is 43 percent non-monogamist, and that seems fairly accurate given our poly life, too.
The other BDSM test option is a paid option, and it’s designed specifically for couples who are figuring out their kinks together. Simpatic.Us is less a test and more a survey to figure out what you and your partner enjoy. You each answer the questions separately, and then receive a report of your compatible results. It’s designed to give you a place of common ground to discuss BDSM and kink. We tried it back in 2017 if you want to read my review. If it’s something that interests you, check out Simpatic.Us and use code LovingBDSM10 to save 25 percent off ($10) your survey and report (affiliate offer).
So now it’s your turn. How do you feel about BDSM tests and the labels that come with it? Fun? Stressful? Not important to you? Helpful? Let us know in the comments below or talk to us on Twitter!
