Friendship in Long Term Power Exchange

by Kayla Lords · Published January 23, 2026 · Updated January 22, 2026

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WE’ve said for years that we think friendship needs to be the basis of any power exchange but certainly a long-term relationship. This week we’re talking about why it matters and how to build a solid friendship.

In this episode:

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We talked about why we think being friends first matters back in March 2020 (episode 210).
We’ve always believed it but in the past nearly six years since that episode, it’s been even more important.
From the Gottman Institute: “Intimate, committed relationships invariably require a certain level of dedication, loyalty, mutual support, patience, and persistence.”
Also from Dr. Gottman: “couples with deep friendships have: ‘…mutual respect and enjoyment of each other’s company. They tend to know each other intimately — they are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in the big ways but in little ways day in and day out.’
- There are infinite ways to experience friendship.
What friendship can add or do for a long-term relationship:
- Enhances emotional intimacy
  - When partners feel safe and understood, they can share their deepest thoughts and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment.
- Promotes playfulness and fun
  - Enjoy spending time together, laughing about silly things
- Encourages healthy communication
  - Friends tend to communicate openly and honestly, without the fear of damaging the relationship.
- Fosters mutual growth and support
  - Friends celebrate each other’s successes and provide a steady hand during setbacks.
- Provides a sense of security
  - At its core, friendship is about being there for one another.
How to strengthen your friendship
- Be curious about each other and learn about each other
- Do things you both enjoy together
- Support each other’s separate interests
- Express gratitude
Bids for connection
- Anytime a partner tries to get your attention, affection, or interest
  - “Look at this” or “Let me tell you about”
- Three options: engage, ignore, irritation
  - Engaging even when you’re busy or you think the thing is silly says, “I see you, I care, I’m here”
- These tiny moments make the big moments easier
  - Create trust, connection, and resilience