You Can’t Make Your Partner Be a Dominant or Submissive

4 Responses

  1. Growlingwolf says:

    This is a very good article. I really appreciate the sentence, “Submissives lead the transition to D/s all the time.” I’m the more Dominant partner who seems to be more interested in incorporating a D/s element into our relationship without enthusiasm from my partner.

    Based on all the articles, books and blogs, it seems it’s always the submissive partner who is more interested in incorporating a D/s dynamic into their relationship. I would to hear your thoughts on this.

    • Kayla Lords says:

      I don’t think that it’s *always* the submissive partner, but i do think submissive partners are sometimes more vocal — either online or in the community in general — about their desires. Also, single submissives have to navigate a lot of potential problems (like abusive “dominants”) and so we talk about the submissive journey most often. But plenty of Doms lead the transition in their relationships. From those I’ve heard from personally, they meet with mixed success. Sometimes it goes amazingly well and their partner is on board, and sometimes it doesn’t.

  2. HopeFaith says:

    This was my situation with my husband. I was the submissive, “teaching” him. And it really does make you feel not very submissive by being the teacher. He wanted to embrace D/s for me because he wanted to please ME so much. He really didn’t have a Dominant bone in his body. I think we may have been two submissives! Life got busy for us, and the idea sort of went to the wayside. It was okay by me, because it ended up feeling very awkward. Then, unfortunately he passed away from a heart attack. But I still enjoyed reading and thinking about continuing my journey again. I met my current Sir through Fetlife and we have been together for a little over 4 years now.

    • Kayla Lords says:

      Sometimes it’s only in hindsight that you can see something wasn’t supposed to work the way you hoped it would. I think it’s wonderful that he tried for your sake. I’m so sorry for your loss.

      I’m also glad that you’re now with someone who can be the Dominant you want and need, too.

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