5 Real Ways to Prove Yourself in D/s Relationships

4 Responses

  1. Gina says:

    I’m a submissive. Currently anyway. I can’t help but find it difficult to believe all these things people say about subs having power, being human, deserving anything except for suffering and misery in the service of someone else. I find it difficult to believe that anybody wants submission except for the joy of having someone beneath them. Perhaps the fact that a submissions gets punished for this or that but if the dominant doesanything wrong, who’s to stop them or care? I guess it kind of makes me angry, kind of makes me want to find a few of these dominance like this and to see how much they like to be hurt how much they like to suffer for someone else’s pleasure alone. It’s an issue I’m having.

    • Kayla Lords says:

      In safe, healthy, and (mostly) happy relationships, submissives are treated like humans and do have the power to give or withdraw consent. I’m sorry you’ve had such different experiences with submission as not to have had this for yourself. Punishment isn’t a part of all D/s relationships – not every Dom wants to punish and not every submissive will tolerate being punished, and that’s a valid way to experience D/s, too. Good Doms will hold themselves accountable when they screw up and can also handle their submissive partner telling them they’ve screwed up – if bad behavior is repeated, then the accountability is that they shouldn’t have a submissive partner anymore (submissives can and should walk away from any partner who can’t maintain trust, respect, and do the things they said they would do).

      And yes, of course, there are people who don’t follow these principles, don’t care about their partner, and are only into dominance for what they can get for themselves. The reason we (and other kinksters) try to share our experiences and help educate others is so people can recognize the bad behavior for what it is (instead of thinking it’s just “how D/s is”) and not enter into or stay in relationships that don’t serve them. There’s no single way to be a Dominant or submissive, and if someone’s style doesn’t work with the way you want to submit and/or they’re exhibiting a bunch of red flags, they’re definitely not someone who should be *your* Dom (and if the problem are a bunch of red flags and abusive behavior, they shouldn’t be *anyone’s* Dom).

  1. October 13, 2017

    […] 5 Real Ways to Prove Yourself in D/s Relationships […]

  2. June 29, 2021

    […] 5 Real Ways to Prove Yourself in D/s Relationships (blog post) […]

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