Sex Acts aren’t Automatically Dominant or Submissive

by Kayla Lords · Published February 7, 2020 · Updated July 12, 2021

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:38:40 — 66.2MB)

It’s the month of love and lust, so we’ve got sex on the brain. This topic comes from comments and questions we see all the time. “Can I do this sex act to my partner if I’m a submissive?” The answer is, “Yes, if it’s within your limits and your partner consents.” But it’s easy to view sexual activity through the lens of our power exchange and decide we “can’t” do something because of which side of the slash we’re on. It’s time to re-think that!

In this episode:

Valentine’s Day Sales — Hot Octopuss buy one, get one half off and Stockroom, up to 50 percent off Valentine’s Day sale
A sex act isn’t dominant or submissive — only people are.
If you think a sex thing makes you submissive, think again. It’s probably time to try another method or position.
If you think a sex thing makes you dominant, think again. You may need to reframe how you think of the act.
What to do when one partner asks you to do a sex thing that you feel is the opposite of your role? For example: a submissive asks for a sex act that makes their Dom feel submissive or a Dominant asks for a sex act that makes their sub feel Dominant.

Shout-outs to our kinky patrons: Cdc, Chris A., Sir&her78, Janie K., B, Devoted Cricket, and Jessica G.