3 Reasons Why Dom Drop Happens | 30 Days of D/s

15 Responses

  1. Shumba says:

    When I feel she has not been completely honest about going past, or pushing a limit, and says I didn’t want to spoil it for you. It’s a realisation that my trust in her has been breached. I know there are physical cues and watch for them, but I am not a mind-reader. Lack of trust really gives me a drop. She must trust that I am ok with her safewording, or ‘oranging’, but I need to trust her to let me know. Just an opinion.

    • Kayla Lords says:

      I can definitely see where that could lead to drop and problems later on. It’s definitely something that needs to be communicated and discussed. Trust takes time to build, for both of you, so it may be worth it to see where the problem is coming from and address that. But don’t be afraid to be honest about how it’s impacting you, too. Sometimes submissives forget their Doms go through the same kind of worries and suffer as a result.

      • Trey says:

        I need some help…. This is the only site I’ve found that will let me post a reply. Will you help me? Please?

        • Kayla Lords says:

          It’s hard to know if we can help, but you’re free to send us an email and we’ll try. You can use the contact us link or just email us at lovingbdsmpodcast at gmail dot com.

    • Sincere says:

      It’s an awful feeling … its kept me from dom head space for a long time

  2. Canspanknjax says:

    Dom drop is real and while I understand trust failures can add a trigger to a drop. I don’t think someone should only think Drop can happen when there is an issue.
    Drop can happen and does happen after even some of the best scenes. The body respondsin several different ways. It can mimic depression symptoms, lethargic reactions , confusion, hunger, even that I need that I need my morning coffee feeling.. (just to name a few)
    If the scene was bad, if trust was broken, if you went to far. Doesn’t mean oh I am in drop that’s why I feel like this . (Not saying it that you may not be in drop as well but there maybe more to it)
    It may mean it is time to look at that scene and or your partner and have that Renegotiation . It maybe the sign you need to have coffee and conversation (our term for our weekly D/s check)
    Do not just assume every bad issue causes a drop or ignore the need for open dialogue in your partner that how a good Dom differs in their relationships.

    • Kayla Lords says:

      You raise good points. Drop happens for all kinds of reasons, even if the best situations, and sometimes we tell ourselves we’re in drop when really we’re in a bad situation in a current relationship.

      • Tracey says:

        I’m very new. Just a few months of being a Domme. My sub is bi, and he likes to be degraded and made to feel inferior, and cuckholded. My personal limit is showing him pics of phalli he thinks are superior, and telling him that’s he’s not worthy. There isn’t any type of contract. We’re just FWB at this point. How do I be a better Domme to my sub, when I am uncomfortable with being verbally abusive? I was bullied in school, and I’m not thrilled about doing any more than what I already am.

  3. Attentionwhore says:

    What happens to the sub if the dom does not use their own safe word? I know I would stop fuckin them until they start doing it and we’d practice if that’s what that took but what if us doms aren’t in the mood? What would that do to the sub? How do we fake being horny for the other person? What if you don’t want to make the other feel bad so you suck it up but then they want you to keep hurting them because they don’t know so then you either actually hurt them (like their feelings a lil) or you destroy yourself by hurting them? How does one be a good dom when you just want to make people think you’re good enough?

  4. Lay says:

    As a sub is there anything I can do in order to prevent my dom from dropping or help him get out of that headspace? I feel like aftercare is one sided some times and I want him to feel good after a rough scene.

    • Kayla Lords says:

      You can’t prevent drop for anyone, but you can mitigate it — with aftercare and being there for them while in drop. Doms need their own form of aftercare, though it might not look like the same aftercare you need. So talk to your dom about what helps him, what he might like, and then implement that. His aftercare might happen the next day or it might be something he does on his own while you’re recovering.

  1. April 27, 2018

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