Feeling More Vanilla Than D/s LB066

4 Responses

  1. jazmine says:

    I just started listening to the podcasts. Love them! So good to hear so much real!! Gushy girlfriend love to you both!!!! Anyway, this episode is timely for me. Daily life throws us off on a regular basis, which leads me to a regular meltdown. My struggle is that when I start to see our slide, I am able to begin the conversation, he is able to see it too, but as it is happening, I pull back. I am very much a babygirl in your definition and she does not want to keep meeting his needs if I feel mine are not being met. We typically are still in sync as you said, doing the tasks together that are so ingrained, but the tasks that I have a moment to stop and think about, I will skip, or do my own way, instead of the way we have agreed (like him choosing panties, clothes, doing my daily exercise, keeping up my water intake). I know this is not healthy, and I am trying to learn how to squelch her, but that baby inside of me just gets hurt so easily by the slide away from our d/s that I want to take back all of it. This makes it harder for him to get us back in line. Again, I know this is just bad behavior, and I fight that baby inside, but she is powerful, as you know! I feel like you have covered this topic so well, but I still want to ask if you or Mr. John have any other suggestions for wrangling myself or how he can more easily help me be wrangled when life starts dragging us down? I am ridiculously sorry for writing a book!! You guys are awesome at what you do and I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to delve into the podcasts!!! Thanks 🙂

    • Kayla Lords says:

      I’d say it really takes trust, time, and patience with yourself — and actively working to do better each time you misstep. As well as talking about WHY you feel that way — it may have to do with past relationships (romantic or otherwise), and it may just take time to work through. If the past relationship thing resonates, look for our episode on “bad tapes” (which is what we call those old experiences and memories that cause you to freak out/act not-so-great when you see familiar behavior in a current relationship). But otherwise, just keep trying, working through it when it happens, and talking about it — given enough time, you may find that pattern of behavior changes.

  1. October 10, 2017

    […] Feeling More Vanilla than D/s (podcast) […]

  2. October 22, 2018

    […] Even when it is a possibility, you’re still a part of the relationship. You have a responsibility to help make it work. If you’re not willing to talk, do your part, or be an active participant at the very beginning, it means you won’t be there long-term — especially when things get tough or when the D/s ebbs and flows naturally. […]

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