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About us


We help kinksters like you have happy, healthy power exchange relationships. No matter how you define BDSM and no matter what kind of kinky relationship you want, we're here to help!


We are John Brownstone (the Dom) and Kayla Lords (the sub), a married D/s couple, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences on this thing we call BDSM.

Grow and Learn With Us!


In our weekly podcast, we discuss all aspects of how to have a happy, healthy power exchange relationship.


You can watch the podcast during a weekly live stream, plus learn more about BDSM, check out product reviews, and more!


We believe in having a community to help you grow and to offer support on this BDSM journey. Join our kinky community on Patreon!

banner with Loving BDSM logos and text extra help, info, and fun stuff

Feel like a total noob? Don’t know what you don’t know? We offer resources for new kinksters here on our site and a list of resources you can find around the internet. Start with D/s for Beginners and then check out our BDSM resource page.

Still trying to figure out how you feel about D/s, power exchange, and BDSM? Get the 30 Days of D/s workbook to help you think about BDSM in a more manageable way and figure out what YOU want. Buy it here.

Do you like BDSM toys, kinky gear, and fun swag? You can shop John Brownstone’s kinky store at The Kinkery or buy Loving BDSM merch on Redbubble!

Check out the Loving BDSM Blog

We share tips and how-tos, answer BDSM questions, offer our thoughts and insight, share product reviews, and publish the show notes for every podcast episode on our blog! Take a look!

episode 318 of the Loving BDSM podcast on service tops

What is a Service Top?

In this week’s podcast, we discuss the term “service top” — and there are a lot of ways to define it! In this episode: Multiple definitions of service top What it means to us...

episode 317 of the Loving BDSM podcast where we answer a question about whether a submissive needs to change to have a successful D/s relationship

Does a Submissive Have to Change in D/s?

We (kind of) get where this question comes from — submissives are seen to bend to the will of their Dominant partner, submissive training and behavior modification are tools used in some D/s relationships....

episode 316 of the Loving BDSM podcast -- a BDSM Q&A episode


In this week’s episode, we took questions from Instagram and then from the YouTube live chat. Plus, the bonus section actually has bonus content about our power exchange. (Proving miracles can happen.) In this...

episode 315 of the Loving BDSM podcast -- a reaction episode to BDSM questions on reddit

BDSM Reddit Reaction

We’re back with another BDSM Reddit reaction episode! And for once, the answer to all of these posts was something other than, “Talk to your partner!” In this episode: Why the podcast was late...

episode 314 of the Loving BDSM podcast discussing conscious kink

What is Conscious Kink?

A term keeps popping up in Kayla’s feeds: conscious kink. But what does that even mean? Is it a new way of thinking about BDSM or is it a catch-all term used in marketing?...

Joy in D/s Relationships

It might seem like a random topic but the joy we’ve felt (at times) in our power exchange is so powerful and amazing that it’s important to acknowledge. And also, we can’t be the...

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