Self Control and Power in Dominance

by Kayla Lords · Published January 16, 2026 · Updated January 15, 2026

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:03:07 — 68.2MB)

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This week’s topic comes from both a question we received and questions we’ve seen asked on Reddit: newer Doms worried they’ll lose control of themselves and try to dominate people in other parts of their life or even their partner outside of their dynamic. So let’s talk about it.

In this episode:

Our monthly Friday night live stream is this week and AT A NEW TIME: 8:00pm ET
This week’s episode comes in part from a question we received from a kinkster and partly from a few instances of seeing this specific fear in other posts online:
- New Doms who worry they’ll become demanding and controlling outside of their power dynamic – either with their partner or with other people in their life – once they embrace big D dominance
- Also new Doms who worry they’ll take things too far with their partner in their power exchange now that they have a level of control
Fear: “Absolute power corrupts absolutely”
Stereotype: Doms are abusers, take advantage, power hungry, don’t care about their partner, etc
With great power comes great responsibility
Reasons why you probably don’t need to worry:
- You’re thinking about this at all. Abusers and people who don’t care about boundaries aren’t asking themselves if they’ll take things too far.
- Dominance happens with the context of a negotiated, ongoing relationship.
- Dominance is intimate – with or without sex – and it’s difficult to forget yourself with people whom you’re not intimate with
What Dominance may lead to that sounds like big D dominance but isn’t
- Becoming more forthright and clear in your communication
- Communicating your boundaries more often and easier
- Increasing your self confidence by embracing this side of yourself, learning new skills, etc