Q&A: How is D/s Worth It if It’s So Difficult?

by Kayla Lords · Published December 9, 2025 · Updated December 9, 2025

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This week, we’re answering a question I (Kayla) couldn’t stop thinking about. We’re not sure if they asked in good faith or not, but we’re taking the question seriously.

Here’s the question:

Does any of this ever go right for anyone? Cause not only is there a constant negotiation of terms and services and what they happen to mean on a particular day at a particular juncture of a person’s life but then there are these insane expectations on communication. It almost feels like you have to do a super human level of communication and all the work that goes into repairing an oops moment. Because apparently they are inevitable.

Then there’s the guilt you carry from accidentally triggering a person’s personal trauma and then there is the role of the DOM which appears to be just fetishizing someone with power being nice to you, because it’s so unheard of in regular everyday society – a power figure with egalitarian beliefs and a power with mindset. Most people conduct power from an authoritarian mindset.

I’ve been listening to this podcast for years and even on here it seems like not only with you two but everyone else there are more problems than anything else. Not a value judgment, you two seem happy and all that. I am mainly referring to the difficulties you two have discussed with your own dynamic.

I’m just frustrated. Everything about all of this seems insane and unrealistic. Just like polyamory – in theory it sounds great but in reality it’s a fucking juggernaut to manage just to get your respective parts all giggled up.
My question after all this – why is it worth it ? After all of this, why?