Q&A: How Do I Convince My Dom That I’m Ready for More?

by Kayla Lords · April 28, 2025

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 15:06 — 20.0MB)

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This submissive knows they need to move slowly into D/s but nothing’s happening at all.

Here’s the question:

I’m 28 and am just figuring out that I want/need a Dominant partner. I’ve been kind of kinky in past relationships, mostly hair pulling, choking, light spanking, wrist tied to ankles… but that has never been enough for me.

I’m now realizing what I’m wanting/needing because I met my first Dom… but is he my Dom? We met on a dating app, I had a kinky clip of a chain choker (or whatever it’s called) on my profile and he had D/s on his. We both knew that the other was kinky, and I was excited about that.

It’s been two months since we met. He’s acknowledged he wants a nesting partner. (He currently has one play partner that he has scenes with once a week.) I’ve done so much reading and watching videos that I feel ready to be “introduced” to something other than the hair pulling and such. We’ve had sex a few times, we’ve tried Shibari (which I love), but I’m still waiting to see his Dom side come out.

I’m anxiously waiting for him to make the first move. I’ve asked him point blank, what’s something we can do to slowly introduce me into what you like as a Dom? I’ve never gotten a straight answer, and nothing has come from it.

I’m starting to wonder if he is a Dom or is the connection we had gone or he’s just being hesitant/super fucking slow with me or something else.

I want to be a sub. I need my Dom to make the decisions, to give me tasks, rules, etc. I want to give him control of aspects of my life, so I don’t have to think or worry about everything anymore. I can just have a few things on my mind, like work, vanilla friends and family, and what I want/need and consent to.

I need a Dom who will support and guide me to be better and to not let my mind consume me all the time. I want to be able to focus on him and his needs when I’m not working. I need a Dom to help ground me, make me be in the moment, and help me become who I want and am meant to be. I’ve questioned who I am all of my life. And I think this is what I’ve been needing.

How can I help him acknowledge and believe me when I say I’m ready? How can I tell him that I need him to start being dominant, because that’s what I want and need at this point? I’ve done the research and I want to slowly start a D/s relationship. I know we need to start small. What is something I can suggest to him that could truly initiate a new dynamic or a dynamic at all?