Afraid to Ask for “Too Much” in Your Dynamic

by Kayla Lords · Published April 4, 2025 · Updated April 3, 2025

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After multiple emails with the same question, it was time to talk about it. If you’re afraid to ask for “too much” in your dynamic or don’t think you deserve what you want, there could be multiple reasons for it.

In this episode:

Restocks are happening at the Kinkery
This week’s topic comes from some common themes we’ve received in Q&A episode requests plus messages and comments we see all the time.
It’s sort of related to an old episode – Episode 60 – where we went over myths submissives tend to believe about themselves, including the “being too much or too needy” myth.
“I want more of this dynamic more often but I don’t want to ask as I don’t want him to agree just because he loves me and wants to make me happy.”
“I know that he says that he likes it but I worry that I am now stopping him from exploring other aspects of kink because he knows how much I like him being Daddy…I believe him when he says he likes taking on that role. I feel like a horrible person if I ask for more as I don’t want to take advantage when he is taking on that role because he wants to make me happy because he loves me.”
We teach partners how to love and care for us – as long as they’re willing to be teachable. Expressing your needs is part of clear communication.
- If your dynamic is new for your partner, they have to learn what that means for you and themselves – but they can only do that if you tell them what you need and want.
Your needs are valid.
Do you think you don’t deserve what you want?
Are you worried you’re not really submissive?
Are you ashamed of your needs?
Do you trust your partner to set and communicate their own boundaries?
Is it a fear of rejection?