BDSM Basics: 5 Tips for Bondage Fun
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The big “B” in BDSM stands for bondage. If the first thing you imagine is a beautiful Shibari tie or an intricate knot, you’re not alone. Rope work can be a big part of the bondage experience, but there’s much more to it than that. Here are five (basic) things you should know as you explore this part of BDSM.
Bondage is more than rope.
Rope is good and fun and (for some) quite relaxing. Just ask John Brownstone. But that’s not your own option for a bondage kink. Under-the-bed restraints are an easy way to tie someone to the bed and have all kinds of kinky fun. Bondage tape offers the same beautiful look of rope without requiring the skill needed for rope. As we’ll get to in a moment, some bondage requires no gear at all — which means you can do it for free almost anywhere, and no one has to know what’s happening except your partner.
Understand safety practices BEFORE you play.
If you use rope or bondage tape, you need safety scissors or a knife. If you’re using lockable handcuffs, make sure you have a key or buy a pair you can get out of. Don’t rely on safewords or gestures as the rope top. Check in with your partner to make sure nothing is going numb or tingling. If something hurts, move, change, or remove the knot or tie. As a rope bottom, you’ll need to get comfortable letting your partner know if you’re uncomfortable or straining too much in the tie or position you’re in.
Educate yourself before using rope.
Rope bondage might seem “harmless” but as with any BDSM activity, it comes with inherent risks. Tying a knot over a pressure point can hurt your partner. Binding your partner too tightly can be uncomfortable at best and cut off circulation (or worse). If you have a BDSM dungeon or club nearby, find out if they offer rope demos and classes. Check online for YouTube or other resources to help you learn a few basic skills. Groups across the country (and world) offer BDSM and specifically rope events if you’re able to travel. And yes, there are even books on rope bondage, too.
No gear? Try honor bondage.
Honor bondage is something people do without even realizing it. If a Dominant or top has ever told a submissive to hold a position, stay still, or the often sexy, “Don’t move,” that’s a form of honor bondage. The only thing keeping the sub or bottom in position is their consent and their sense of honor. They were told not to move so they won’t. This can be a kinky game to find out how long they can last or an effort to let them “fail” for a funishment. Or a way (as we mentioned earlier) to get kinky without anyone else knowing that’s happening.
Bondage can be very intimate.
The simple act of winding rope or tape or cuffs around a partner’s body can be very intimate. John Brownstone often uses bondage as a way to touch and tease. The rope itself feels good against my skin. We work together to get the tie or position just right. Bondage isn’t an intimate act for everyone, and that’s okay. But it can be — sexually, emotionally, and physically. We often remark that our bondage play forces us both to slow down, to concentrate on the moment, and to focus on each other.
Resources to Help You Learn More:
B is for Bondage (podcast)
Rope Bondage Resources for Newbies (blog post)
