When a Dominant Says No LB106

by Kayla Lords · Published November 3, 2017 · Updated February 10, 2019

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:24:38 — 57.3MB)

In episode 106, we discuss that moment a Dominant says no – whether for the first time or the 100th. It’s a big responsibility for both partners and requires communication, trust, and honesty – and a lot of integrity from both of you.

In this episode:

Kinky denial is different than a no meant to change behavior or because a Dominant doesn’t want you to do something.
The first real test of submission – for Kayla – was being told no for something she really wanted.
Allowing a Dominant that much control requires trust and communication – it shouldn’t be given away lightly.
Saying “No” as a Dominant comes with a lot of responsibility. Say it too much and you may have an unhappy submissive. Use it arbitrarily or “because you can” and you may hurt their trust and faith in you.
Use “No” judiciously. And if you mess up – saying no when you should have said yes or yes when you should have said no – own the mistake, apologize if necessary, and do better next time.
Kinky denials or denials as part of control must be discussed and negotiated. Submissives must consent to it.
Even when a submissive consents, being told no isn’t easy. You may fight against old habits and a feeling of, “But I want to!” and memories of a time when you had total control over your own life. You still do have control, but you’re using it in a different way.
Subs – if you find yourself constantly fighting against denials or withdrawing your consent, it’s time for a long conversation about what’s going on and what you really want.