Equality and Balance in D/s Relationships LB102

4 Responses

  1. pandakitten says:

    I was very excited to listen to this episode because this is a conversation @PandaDaddy and I have had before on several occasions! It’s a fascinating piece of linguistic gymnastics when it comes right down to it. We had settled on saying that we had an equal relationship with an asymmetric power structure. I like saying balance much more, because it encompasses what I as a submissive also get out of the asymmetrical division of power. We fall in to these conversations because one of us would exclaim in astonishment that this relationship feels so much more equal than any other we’d been in, and yet it is also specifically unequal in terms of how we divide power and decision making. I’ve been realizing recently that it’s about emotional labor more than anything else for me! We are balanced, like you discussed, in that his control fulfills both my needs and his, but also for the first time in a long term relationship we share the burden of emotional labour very evenly. The power exchange doesn’t effect that piece, only the method in which we both approach it.

    • Kayla Lords says:

      I. Love. THIS! An asymmetrical power structure – I never thought of it like that. And yes, you’re right – the emotional labor being shared is the key. People seem to think that being “equal” means you do the same things – and it’s more about doing what suits you as an individual that fulfills the whole (relationship, power exchange, whatever). Love your take on this topic!!

  1. February 10, 2019

    […] Equality and Balance in D/s Relationships (podcast episode) […]

  2. August 30, 2021

    […] and sub, top and bottom, both are equal partners in the dynamic. Neither is inherently more or less powerful than the […]

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