6 Different Types of BDSM Collars

35 Responses

  1. pet says:

    My Master loves to dress me smartly, and sees my smart done-up shirt collar and tie as a symbol of my ownership.

  2. Gail says:

    I’ve not been collared before but hope to be one day. If someone is in a poly relationship can a submissive be collared?

    • Pixie says:

      Hi! The simple answer to that is a big old yes! I live with my Husband/Dom and we share are lives, love and home with other female subs that are collared to him! the beauty of being poly means that you get love more than 1 person, the beauty of D/s means that you make your own rules and the is no right or wrong way to do it!

    • Greyclaws says:

      It would depend on those involved I’d think . Personally I presume the subs in a poly would need to belong to the same Dom . I suggest you all sit down an have an open conversation. If you can’t I suggest a different relationship. Harmony

      • Kayla Lords says:

        In some poly relationships, each person can have a separate role so a Dom can have a submissive, and that submissive might be the Dom (or whatever) to another person – but regardless, it’s important for everyone involved to discuss what they want and how they feel about anyone being collared.

    • Kayla Lords says:

      Absolutely if that’s what you and your partner want. Not everyone in a poly relationship has to be collared but it’s an option, too. It all depends on what works for all the people involved. 🙂

  3. ChinaDoll320 says:

    Love this. Thank you so much!

  4. Pixie says:

    So collars, where to start!?!?
    To me, mine are something that makes me feel whole, is a sign of who I am and that I am loved and cared for. It is something that takes a huge amount of trust on both sides , means that we are committed and that I have errant the right to proudly wear it ! It is also something that I draw strength from when I am on my own, it seems to make me more conferdent, calmer and I feel safe. it also acts as a reminder to me of my rules , and several times has been enough to pull me back from doing something stupid .
    I have 3 main types of collar – Day, Bedroom (play), and club collars (play and protection).

    My main day collar is a silver chain , joined at the front with a large silver O ring and a smaller O ring. The large O ring is the boss man and the small one is me , they are joined together like we are . I know its soppy , but it really does mean that to us ! being silver and very discreet means I can wear it all the time and it goes with every thing! (lol I swear the boss man could be a stylist if things go tits up in his day job) the boss man had it made as special Christmas present last year!

    Bedroom collars are either a purple leather kitten style collar that ties with ribbon at the back and has a tiny d ring or a pleated ribbon collar in purple and has a d ring on it. They are worn at night in bed or if we have kinky friends over to play! the also have one of are tags on. Mine say Mouse and then owned by and the boss mans full name on the back!

    Club collars – Mine are made from purple calves leather and lined with velvet (Black/purple and zebra print). They are super soft and lush to wear. mine have either sparkley little studs on them or tiny little spikes. they sort of act as a very visable sign of how I feel. I have a lot of issuses about people touching me without me knowing who they are. (I don’t hug people that I have just met, unless I have known them on line) if it’s my studded ones then I will talk to you and interact without asking the boss man , but only ever to the level I am allowed to. If I have spikes on it means that I need / want space or that I’m not allowed to talk interact with people unless I ask the boss man. an added on to this is if I have my lead on . if its in my mouth, it means i’m on a mission (normally getting a drink or going to pee). if it is held by someone (Babe or one of the mistresses I’m allowed to be subby with), it kind of means talk to them and ask if you may talk to me. I also have wrist and ankle cuffs to match them!

    My collar does not come off with out the boss mans say so or unless it is a medical emerancy. It is his to take off and change . he does this every night before bed and before he leaves the house in the morning! Babe is also allowed to change them. The only thing that will every get us in trouble is if someone we are playing with tries to remove are collar and we don’t stop them, if we don’t , well I don’t know what would happen cos its never happened. Someone has tried that with mine and I stopped them . A proud Boss man bought me flowers the next day!

    Well there is my collar ramble!

    Pixie x x x x

    • Kayla Lords says:

      LOL, not a ramble…fascinating, though. It just proves that everyone needs/wants different things – and that the protocols we establish can have a lot of deep meaning and significance. 🙂

  5. Pixie says:

    Oh I also forgot my Permenent ones!!!! know these are I guess a little outside the box and not for everyone! But I have small ‘Ohana’ tattoo on my left ankle on the inside, that is kinda a collar / commitement to my little poly family . I then have a calder tattoo and the Boss man has the same one on his chest about an inch from his left nipple. Its kind of are way of saying , yup nothing is splitting us up and we love each other very much. He wanted to have my name put on it , but I freaked out cos I think that is bad luck and would of lead to something bad happeneing! (well in my head!) .

    Pixie x

    • Kayla Lords says:

      We just recorded the episode for tomorrow and I completely forgot to talk about tattoos as collars. YES! This was something I’d thought about in the past – and would absolutely love. Not sure how JB feels about it, though, lol.

  6. Alice King says:

    I have various I wear depending on the occasion. I was collared by Lord Raven before he proposed to me. No matter what I always have my tattoo!

    • Kayla Lords says:

      I really need to talk to JB about tattoos. You’re the second person to mention them – and I love the idea. 🙂

  7. Michele Rella-Sommers says:

    My Dom and I are both married to vanilla partners. The collar allows us to have a tangible sign of how important we are to one another.

  8. David Miron says:

    I just put a day collar, an ankle chain with a small diamond, on my sub. We have been slowly, slowly moving toward full/time D/s . She surrendered everything to me but I have given her back autonomy in her professional, friendship, and family lives. I retain it in everything else, and since we are both polyamorous, in her dating life. She also routinely now consults me for feedback on professional and family things, but she still has that autonomy. I don’t need it.

    I had an argument with a local woman who is big in the kink scene her that what I am doing is not ‘really’ D/s because I am not exerting control in everything. She isn’t asking me permission for daily things. I guess many people want that. I know she is mine and her day collar has a clasp but in the two weeks since I put it on her she has not taken it off. I am beyond ecstatic.

    • Kayla Lords says:

      This sounds absolutely wonderful, and a lot like my own relationship with John Brownstone.

      And beware ANY kinkster who tries to tell you something isn’t “real” — frankly what that person is describing sounds more like a highly micro-managed Master/slave dynamic, and even many M/s relationships don’t require control over absolutely everything. All that matters is that what you have works for the two of you and makes you happy. And it sounds like you’ve found it. 🙂

  9. Willow says:

    I’m very proud of my collar it’s leather and handmade by my Daddy, I eventually want a permanent locking collar I have no problem wearing mine out and if someone asks me about it I tell them what it is. Well thank you for listening ttfn.

  10. DS says:

    A question more than a comment. Are there specific types of collars that represent the different stages or levels of the collar? If so what are they as to protect my slave and let her know that she is cared for and will be watched over?

    • Kayla Lords says:

      Any collar can have any meaning you’d like, and you give it meaning to the two of you when you discuss it, talk about what it means to both of you, and you give it and your partner accepts it. So if protection, care, and being watched over is what you want your partner to feel, let them know that’s what the specific collar you’re giving them means. I’m not aware of specific labels for collars that denote that feeling, although I know many people in D/s or M/s relationships would say that’s exactly what their collar means to them regardless of what its called.

  11. Jasmine says:

    I just received my day collar and I’m super excited about it. My Dom has a three collar system, training, day and permanent collar. He’s started to ask me about my wishes for a ceremony for the permanent collar. I’m floating around the earth presently.

  12. Victoria Marx says:

    *thinking out loud. It would be cool to have a page dedicated to all of the wonderful collars people have gotten. Photos of just the collars & the type- day/play/permanent etc with there name & how long they have been collared. ♾♥️♾

    • Kayla Lords says:

      That would be cool. There may be a group or page on Fetlife that discusses it and shares that kind of info. Might be worth a look. 🙂

  13. KazooGentleman says:

    Mmmm, I’ll never forget the day I realized why I always gravitated to Dad’s Playboy magazines where the model was wearing a choker necklace. You know, the day you understand who you are and how you can best symbolize your relationship.

    The first collar I owned and used was my play collar. I was single and women are more BDSM curious than they let on sometimes, 😉 I still have that collar and it still get used occasionally for the same curiosity satisfying purpose.

    Now, when it comes to my woman, she has been gifted one and earned two collars. Our power exchange narrative puts her in the role of princess and me in the role of King. Thus, the first collar she earned was my princess collar. This is the collar that represents the emotional and spiritual commitment we’ve made to each other, it signifies love, adoration, appreciation, caring. The closest vanilla equivalent is the engagement ring.

    While the princess collar is capable of accepting a lock, it currently remains lock free. We understand that if and when the day comes that I put a lock on the princess collar is the day she becomes the queen; the lock is the vanilla equivalent of the wedding band. I suspect the lock is inevitable, but it represents a commitment to take care of her 100%, including financially, so it’s not something we take lightly.

    Now, I’m sure that everyone is familiar with the doctrine of the divine right of kings which simply states the king is the king because God says so. In other words, it is by God’s grace that a man is king and an unfair, unjust king can have that right taken away only by God. Obviously, I am the King because I’ve earned that right from my woman and she has given me that power freely. Thus, it follows from the divine right of kings that my woman is the goddess. Her goddess collar was gifted to her when we chose to pursue a D/s relationship and reminds both of us that her consent underpins the power exchange. It is hers to wear when and where she chooses, including with her other collars.

    The first time I met my woman, she sat on my lap, straight and tall, held her head up proudly, and announced, “I’m a slut.” At the time I didn’t know she was only a slut in her own head, but I fell just a little bit in love with her at that moment! Once we got to know each other, I promised her I would help her turn her slutty fantasies into slutty memories. This gives rise to the second earned collar, the slut collar. This is the collar she wears when she’s being shared and we’re turning her fantasies into memories. Once she had earned my princess collar, she earned my slut collar. I’ll leave it to the reader’s imagination as to how that is achieved!

  14. Genevieve says:

    I was wondering if there is a type of jewelry or symbol that can indicate to the non-vanilla world, or those in the lifestyle, that you are in a relationship BUT willing and even wanting to play with others. My husband and I would both be interested in having others join us for play, in many capacities (voyeurism, predator/prey role play, gang, etc.). Is there something I can wear that can help us with this?

    • Kayla Lords says:

      I’ve never heard of a piece of jewelry like that but it may be something the hanky code — which involves using bandanas or handkerchiefs of varying colors and placements to indicate what you’re into — has an option for. I don’t know enough about the code to discuss it well, but if you search for information on that, you might find something. Since many people are online, they use their bio to explain what they’re into so the online conversation can start from a place of mutual understanding. There are also apps like #open and sites like SwingTowns that help people find other partners, as well — while they’re not specifically for kinksters, many kinky people use them to find new partners.

  15. Camomile says:

    Hello! I’m not exactly sure where to ask this question, so I’ll ask it here if that’s ok… I’m fairly new to bdsm, but am in a bit of a pickle… I am in a vanilla relationship and want to be in a dom/sub relationship…. unfortunately my boyfriend/fiance has no interest and thinks me weird for being extremely interested in this lifestyle…. I love the idea of collars and submitting to my partner in more than just the bedroom. Again, he thinks me weird for this… Anyway, on the one hand I love him (we’ve been together upwards a year now), but this lifestyle is beginning to be incredibly important to me…. I dont know what to do do about it…. can you help me please???

  16. New kid on the block says:

    I’m new to this so hang tight…
    My husband and I are dipping our toes in. He recently got me a simple leather choker that only him and I know what it means for day. I was wondering, though, does a simple choker like that work in this kind of thing?

    • Kayla Lords says:

      Yes it does. A collar can be literally whatever you want it to be — it doesn’t even have to go around the neck. So if it has meaning to both of you, and you consent to wear it, it “counts.”

  17. Preacher Porn says:

    So where I live things are a bit different. We live in a state that is quite small. While I live in the biggest city in our state most people in big cities like Chicago, San Francisco and New York would consider us “small town. So we have one BDSM club for what we call the Tri city area. Three biggest cities in our state all about one to two hours apart. The club is invitation only and collars are very defined. I am very Dominate and the Alpha of our little six person maybe seven soon Ployamory. In our club a collar of consideration is ussually cloth and ties on. It is nothing more than a place holder that tells other D’s that a s is being considered by a D it’s a don’t poach my potiental sub thing. They are ussually only used within the club yet I do have a sub in consideration right now who refuses to take hers off at all. (She really wants me to take her under my wing. She has serious Daddy issues at 22 and being 55 I’m her ideal right now. Then comes the training collar. They can be anything from an actually nylon Dollar General dog or cat collar to a more unadorned day collar. For me I have an assortment of leather and precious metal plain collars that I use during the training phase of a D/s relationship right now I don’t have anyone in one but I expect the young woman in consideration will be moving up soon. She’s just to innocent (such a realitive term) to leave uncollared and I do like the Daddy/Babbygirl thing we have going on. Plus it’s her very first D/s relationship and I so love training a pretty young thing. Because it’s a training collar they have no lock. If she turns out to be unteachable it is a simple thing to uncollar her that way. Don’t get me wrong a have a male sub too, well he’s a switch but he’s sub to me. I’m the only Alpha in our Poly as the saying goes. “it’s my way or the high way. Next what we call the D/s commitment collar. Those are the first day collars with a lock. They tell everyone you’ve been claimed and trained by a Dom Most of my subs have commitment collars. They are more intricate and detailed. Pretty and define something about each wearer. For example my young male switch commited collar says “young pup” it means while he submits to me, it’s because I’m done trainig him to be submissive, but I’m still “teaching” him how to be a good Dominate. There will come the day he’ll be set free to leave the nest and he’ll be the Alpha of his own little Poly group. I have a female sub whose collar is white gold with celtic knots in it. She’s very into sensory depravation bondage. She wants and needs a blind fold cuffs restraints and sound dampening to cum. So that’s what she gets and that’s what her collar represents. She knows what she needs that I will give it to her and keep her safe while she’s getting it. I may let others play while she’s locked down but I’ll be there to keep them from going “too far.” She’s mine to restrain because she needs it. She’s also mine to protect because that’s my responibility. To make sure she safely gets the pain and pleasure she needs along with the freedom of having no control over what happens to her. Then finally there is the permenate collar. I have only one woman in one right now. My wife of 35years. I collared her after our marriage 5 years after when she kept getting herself in messes or worse getting me in messes. It took me two years to train her and then i put a locking collar on her. She worked outside our home for several years and that was the only place I didn’t make all her decisions. Then in our 25 year of marriage she came to work for me. On our 25th wedding anniversary I gave her a custom created day collar of Rose Gold and five half karat Royal Blue sapphires. It has what is called a permanent lock. It literally is a lock with no key. It never leaves her neck and symbolizes to everyone that she is mine until the end. The only way to get it off her neck is to cut it off. Will anyone else ever get one from me? Maye but they have to own me as much as I own them before I’ll even think about it. Who knows maybe lil baby girl will one day be worthy. We shall see. Any way that’s how they work for my little Poly all seven of us.

  1. April 7, 2020

    […] 6 Different Types of BDSM Collars (blog post) […]

  2. April 15, 2020

    […] A collar may be a symbol of ownership, Collars are given by a Dominant and earned by a submissive. What it takes to earn a collar is completely depends and specific to every Dominant. The world of kink is diverse, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that there are many different interpretations of what a collar “should be”. Someone might see it as a simple accessory to enhance their play, while others see it as far more serious and for them, they’re definitely more than fashion accessories Most kinksters would agree that a collar is a pretty serious thing. At the same time, the promise of a collar isn’t something to be made lightly.  […]

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