Emotional Impact of D/s and Kink

7 Responses

  1. jennyh14 says:

    I’m still in the middle of this podcast, but so many things ring true for me. Growing up in an atmosphere of sexual shame. Feeling like I’d discovered the missing piece of the puzzle when I first realized I was submissive (at the tender age of 45!). Kayla, your comment about being used by your ex, and how that caused trust issues, that rang a bell for me. It made me realize that a couple of the arguments that Sir and I have had have been, on my side, mostly about me worrying that the relationship would be as one-sided as my marriage was. That’s something I didn’t see until just now. I’d also like to add that while realizing my submissiveness has been a joyous experience, admitting my masochistic nature has been much more difficult. I’m lucky to have a patient Sir. We’ve been together a year and a half, I’ve been “out” as submissive for almost 3 years now, and I’m just now starting to feel a true acceptance of who I really am.
    thanks for the podcast!

    Jenn

    • Kayla Lords says:

      I think part of what we forget to talk about when we talk about our kinks is how hard it can be. And how it’s not a quick fix to go from vanilla to kinky. You have to deal with past experiences, what you’ve been taught, what you believe, and more. ((HUGS)) Glad you’re getting to a better place.

  2. Happilylife-1 says:

    I literally just posted a question this morning about this!! And like magic I stumbled across this gem! Sooooo many of my same feelings in this episode!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!

  3. BunnyBabyGirl says:

    This is the first podcast (I’m listening in order) that has disappointed me. I love the topic, and as a practicing Roman Catholic I was very interested when the discussion turned towards spirituality and religion. However, I was disheartened to hear you contradict yourself so many times, Kayla. I understand you’re not religious, but you started saying you respect religion, and in the next breath you talked about how when you were younger you only attended church 3 times when you “temporarily lost your mind.” If you don’t agree or understand with the beliefs, simply state that and move on. The entire discussion around religion just felt… so full of contempt and disdain. I have learned to thrive in both my Catholic faith and my D/s practice, despite the unfavorable opinions of others.

    • Kayla Lords says:

      And I’ve learned to thrive without religion despite the disdain of people who I’ve lived and worked around my entire life — as someone who’s lived in the Bible belt/deep South my whole life. As this episode is from literally 2017, and I no longer remember what I said, I’m fairly certain I didn’t give full context for my views on religion, though I think I may have mentioned it in passing in later episodes. So let’s clear that up…the “three times” as a kid were with my great-grandmother who I went to Easter service with and never quite felt comfortable but that was lack of experience. The “lost my mind” part were the two years I spent going to a Southern Baptist church three times a week (once on Wednesday and twice on Sunday) and listened to extremely misogynistic, homophobic, and xenophobic sermons – why did I do this? To impress the parents of my then-best friend who didn’t trust anyone who didn’t go to church at all, which I didn’t – and I *still* never won their approval but I did get the consolation prize of unlearning some of the BS that this particular church taught and believed. Going to church to make another person happy isn’t the right reason to go and staying even though you’re not happy with what you’re hearing (though I was too young to articulate why that was) also isn’t exactly a wise move. So yeah, I look back on that period of my life as having “lost my mind.”

      Since this episode wasn’t specifically about religion and because I don’t relate my kink practice to religion and very little to spirituality (and certainly not back in 2017 when this was made), I’m fairly certain I didn’t explain myself very well. But the thing I know to be true is that whatever feels like “losing my mind” to *me* can be “the thing that gives me peace” to someone else, and we can both be right, and THAT is what I respect. Me feeling how I do about religion doesn’t at all negate how you see it, and I would never say it does. I don’t have to understand it or want it for myself or even LIKE it for myself and I can still respect that it’s extremely important to other people.

  1. October 9, 2018

    […] episode 80 of the podcast, we talk about the emotional impact of D/s and kink and how part of that is feeling nervous or scared at […]

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