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About us


We help kinksters like you have happy, healthy power exchange relationships. No matter how you define BDSM and no matter what kind of kinky relationship you want, we’re here to help!


We are John Brownstone (the Dom) and Kayla Lords (the sub), a married D/s couple, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences on this thing we call BDSM.

Grow and Learn With Us!


In our weekly podcast, we discuss all aspects of how to have a happy, healthy power exchange relationship.


You can watch the podcast during a weekly live stream, plus learn more about BDSM, check out product reviews, and more!


We believe in having a community to help you grow and to offer support on this BDSM journey. Join our kinky community on Patreon!

banner with Loving BDSM logos and text extra help, info, and fun stuff

Still trying to figure out how you feel about D/s, power exchange, and BDSM? Sign up for 30 Days of D/s, a free email program to help you think about BDSM in a more manageable way and figure out what YOU want. Learn more here.

In 2021, we’re re-introducing Kinky Book Club and encouraging kinksters who enjoy reading to join in! We’ll alternate between fiction and non-fiction books. Discussions will be videos on our YouTube channel with more conversations happening in our Patron-only Discord server. View the 2021 list here!

Feel like a total noob? Don’t know what you don’t know? We offer resources for new kinksters here on our site and a list of resources you can find around the internet. Start with D/s for Beginners and then check out our BDSM resource page.

Do you like BDSM toys, kinky gear, and fun swag? You can shop John Brownstone’s kinky store at The Kinkery or buy Loving BDSM merch on Redbubble!

Check out the Loving BDSM Blog

We share tips and how-tos, answer BDSM questions, offer our thoughts and insight, share product reviews, and publish the show notes for every podcast episode on our blog! Take a look!

episode 278 of the Loving BDSM podcast

Revisiting Love Languages in Power Exchange

This week, we’re talking about love languages again — but instead of the original, we read Speaking from the Heart: 18 Languages for Modern Love by Anne Hodder-Shipp (she/they). We briefly discuss each love...

minisode 28 of Loving BDSM on subfrenzy

Minisode 28: Subfrenzy

Subfrenzy hits many submissives at some point in your kink life, from new and excited kinksters to experienced subs who think it won’t happen to them. In this week’s mini podcast episode, we’re sharing...

Minisode 27 of the Loving BDSM podcast on submissive vs. bottom

Minisode 27: Submissive vs. Bottom

What’s the difference between a submissive and a bottom? For some people, not very much. For others, everything. In this week’s minisode, we attempt to differentiate between the two. A massive thanks to our...

image of pink hued map with two hearts connected with dashes. One heart in the US, one heart in the UK. Text says maintaining D/s when apart 30 Days of D/s

4 Ways We Maintain Our D/s When Apart

Being apart when you’re in a power exchange relationship is tough. If you’re usually together, a lot of systems and routines are disrupted. Not only can this cause overwhelm, it can leave some people...

episode 276 of the Loving BDSM podcast

Responding to BDSM Reddit Posts

We received enough positive feedback from a previous episode where we responded and reacted to questions asked on BDSM subreddits that we thought we’d do it again! This week’s post range from violating safewords...

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