Kink is Customizable | Making D/s Work in the Real World

by Kayla Lords · Published April 18, 2025 · Updated April 30, 2025

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:08:40 — 76.3MB)

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We’re starting a new series inspired by our session from the 2025 Dom/sub Dynamics Virtual Summit and diving deeper into how to make a power exchange relationship (and kink life) work in the real world. Let’s start with the first principle – there is no single “right” or “true” way to experience kink and (my new favorite phrase) kink is customizable. If you want your kink life to work with the rest of your life, you’ve got to do what works for your reality instead of forcing someone else’s fantasy (or your own) to work.

Update: It was brought to our attention that the credit for the phrase, “Kink is customizable” goes to Sunny Megatron.

In this episode:

Friday night live stream on YouTube at 9:30pm ET
If you missed the Summit, you can purchase access to the session replay. Link in places.
Our session was How to Make Your Dynamic Work in the Real World and we only had 30 minutes to cover the literal basis of our podcast, lol. So this series was born.
Welcome to anyone who’s here because you found us through the Summit.
This series may be ongoing throughout the year with other topics in between, but for the next couple of weeks, we’ll focus on the series.
We’ve done previous episodes on fantasy vs. reality.
No more twisting yourself into knots.
BDSM is literally about not conforming to societal expectations, so why try to conform to an idealized (unrealistic) version of power exchange?
Kink is customizable.
- Labels and titles
- Dynamic
- Who does what in your relationship
- Kinky activities
There’s no “should” in power exchange. The only rules are consent, communication, and risk assessment and mitigation.
Your power exchange has to fit the life you’re currently living if it’s going to work – and adjust as life changes.