Q&A: How Do We Negotiate Consensual Non-consent?

by Kayla Lords · Published March 10, 2025 · Updated March 7, 2025

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A kinky couple wants to try consensual non-consent (CNC) and is looking for ideas and tips on the negotiation process.

Here’s the question:

I (f26) have been with my Dom (m33) for a little over a year now. We have been doing various kinky activities (bondage, sensation play, forced orgasm etc.) for the whole time we have been together. We have recently started talking about our shared interest in CNC – consensual non-consent. I have little experience in practicing kink with a partner before this relationship and my partner has been practicing kink for years.

When we discussed wanting to experiment in some CNC my partner told me he might find it difficult with me because he would be afraid of hurting me. I hate when people see me as weak or fragile but I also know that’s not how he meant it. He is incredibly caring and kind (I call him a service dom), and to my knowledge he has not done CNC related things with his long term partners before.

Do you have any tips/suggestions on where we could start, what activities we could do to start slow or what things we should discuss to make both of us feel safe and confident? We will of course discuss this more but would love some outside ideas to bring to the table.