Q&A: Can I Avoid an Active Member in My Local Community?

by Kayla Lords · Published September 9, 2024 · Updated September 6, 2024

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This week, a kinkster wants to get back into their local community but wants to avoid someone who seems to be an unsafe kinkster.

Note: Content warning for brief mention of suicide, abusive behavior, and sexual coercion. No details are shared.

Here’s the question:

I started going to munches and vendor fairs in late 2022, and moved on to play parties almost every weekend from January-June in 2023. I loved finally being able to go to these events and meeting like-minded people. I want to start going back to community events after leaving for financial and mental health reasons, but I am facing an obstacle.

There is this person, who I will name Greg (not his real name), who I do not want to be around. At the beginning of my kink journey, I met him at a munch and at some play parties, and he ended up inviting me to a small local group that he was in charge of. It was a good time and I met my Dom at this event. Fast forward a few months, and Greg goes through a very public breakup on Fetlife. His ex-partner exposes some information about him, including his manipulative, coercive, and destructive behavior.

Some of his offenses include, threatening to kill himself, forcing his ex-partner to keep important information from their family, punching holes in the walls, guilting them into having sex when they did not want to, and starting a relationship with someone barely 18 while he is almost 30.

I was appalled when I heard this, and they still post about each other on Fet. Since I was not involved in their relationship, I have no way of knowing if all this is true, but I am inclined to believe the victim. Anyway, since then it has come out that he is getting involved with the board of the local community and increasing his presence at all events, even in the smaller communities. He has tried to reach out to me twice, and I have ignored both.

How can I start going to events again, when he seems to be everywhere? I do not want to run into him, but I know that is almost impossible.