Q&A: How Do We Get Our Kink Life Back After Having a Baby?

by Kayla Lords · Published May 20, 2024 · Updated May 19, 2024

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 16:00 — 17.6MB)

Subscribe: Spotify | TuneIn | RSS | More

This week, a submissive is ready to get back to their previous kink life but their partner might not be as ready.

Here’s the question:

I have a question with no easy answer. I am happily married with a lifelong partner. He is perfect in every aspect of life. We have a son together, he is a great father to him and a great husband to me. He is supporting in every situation, is very kind and loving and is always here for us. I am trying to explain that he is the love of my life, he shows us how happy he is to spend time with us every day, therefore I consider myself very lucky and there is no scenario where I would want to live a life without him.

The thing is that I am very much more BDSM oriented than him. I always had a submissive mind, and it is one of the most important parts of my personality. He is, I would explain as “mostly vanilla oriented”, but he likes sex very much and likes to see me being satisfied. We already had a conversation about my needs and desires many times and he really tried a lot to fulfill my wishes. It was never 100%, as he is not a dominant mind naturally, but it was really close to that number.

He started to be confident in his role, saw me being happy and that made him motivated to continue with this approach. We even lived in a 24/7 dynamic at one point. I always initiated every conversation, I explained everything, I helped him to explore this world as he is kind of shy in this way. But then we had a baby 2 years ago, since family life is our common goal and now this BDSM part of our life is kind of not there anymore.

We both work, have our business on top of that, we exercise and take care of our household and baby and simply we do not have almost any time together. And when we do, we use it for rest, since that is kind of essential to survive. We need help to reintroduce this part of our life back. I would say he can very simply live without it, but I am struggling very much, since I don’t feel like myself. Please help us navigate through this situation.