Q&A: How Do I Let My Dom Know I’m Ready for Sex and Kink Without Feeling Like I’m Initiating Play?

by Kayla Lords · Published February 26, 2024 · Updated February 23, 2024

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This week’s question comes from a submissive who’s getting their desire for kink and sex back but doesn’t want to feel like they’re telling their Dom what to do.

Here’s the question:

I (31F Princess Service Sub) am married to my husband (40M Daddy Nurture Dom) and we have a 24/7 power exchange. Over the past year due to various reasons, a big one being birth control that completely killed my sex drive and desire for kink, we had to very much back off of the kink part of our relationship and even maintaining a healthy vanilla sex life was a chore. I have gotten off of this form of birth control and am slowly regaining my drive for both kink and sex.

My husband was very gracious with me during this period and did not force me to do anything that felt like too much for me to handle during that period. But now that I am returning to my old subby self, How do I let him know that I want and need him to go back to being more actively Dominant with me without feeling like I’m telling him how to Dom? How do we get back to our old selves and leave that chapter in the past?

For example before the birth control of doom, he would order me to get on my knees or do this for Daddy. Now after it is more of a question to which I usually respond with if you want. Which he has let me know he doesn’t enjoy but I don’t want to, as a sub, be initiating all the time. But I understand that he has some initiation burnout from when I physically and mentally was not able to say yes so then we get caught in a “if you want to” loop.