What Do I Do When My Dom Leaves Me Hanging?

by Kayla Lords · Published November 6, 2023 · Updated November 3, 2023

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 24:12 — 27.8MB)

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This week’s question is similar to a previous episode about how a submissive gets their needs fulfilled. But in this situation, this isn’t about preventing it from happening but figuring out what to do now that it is happening.

Here’s the question:

I recently listened to an episode where you covered the topic of kink as an identity vs a behavior sometimes performed. I feel like this resonated a lot with the struggles me and my dom are going through in that often times he taps out of dom headspace and leaves me and my needs as a sub hanging. This isn’t in a malicious way, I understand he has a lot more responsibility with work and domming me 24/7 can be tiring, however often I’m left with a sense that my needs aren’t being fulfilled while he always gets something out of it when he wants to play.

It can come across that he’s unwilling to give a little to at least help me get by on myself and feels very all or nothing. For reference, our main dynamics include ddlg, petplay and bratting with the latter being the worst offender for not receiving anything back when the effort is put in on my side. I really want to make this work between us, as everything else in our relationship is happy but we’re at a wall as to how to navigate these moments.

Listen to the episode for our thoughts.