How to Hire a Professional Dominant
There are as many reasons to hire a professional dominant as there are willing clients. Maybe you want to try kink outside of an established relationship. Maybe you only trust the professionals. Or maybe you’ve heard amazing things about a specific pro Dom and want to have a great experience of your own.
Whatever your reasons, once you decide to do it, now you’ve got to find someone to hire. Make no mistake here: Just as much as you’re considering a potential pro Dom/me, they’re deciding if they want to work with you, too. Even when cash is exchanged, there’s still a give and take that both parties get to consent to.
That being said, here are some things to keep in mind when hiring a professional Dom.
Think About What You Want First
You don’t have to know every single detail of the experience you want or every single kink you might have, but it’s a good idea to approach a professional Dom with some idea of what you’re looking for. Knowing what you want to do also helps to figure out if they’re a good fit for you – before and after you make contact.
Do you want a financial dominatrix to let you live the pay pig life you crave? Are you looking for an impact play connoisseur who can give you the flogging, paddling, or caning of your dreams? Knowing this will help you narrow down your search to the right type of pro Dom for you.
Make Sure They Offer What You Want
Dominants, professional or otherwise, aren’t kink dispensers. Just because you have a need doesn’t mean they’re going to fulfill it for you. And yes, even if you “pay good money” or whatever asshole phrase people use when they think their money will buy them whatever they want.
Professionals are often found online – either through Fetlife, through their website, or even on Twitter. Take a look at their bio. Click through to their website. Read the information they provide. If you don’t see your kinky desires listed, reach out and ask, but be prepared to move on in your search if they don’t provide what you want.
Follow Their Requirements
Due to safety concerns, boundaries, and their own business practices, a pro Dom will often have certain requirements and criteria new clients need to meet before agreeing to book a session – or as part of the book process. This could be about first contact or payments or something else. If you want to hire this person, respect their rules. If you feel like they’re asking too much, maybe this isn’t the person for you. Move on and find someone else instead. Whatever you do, don’t demand or beg that they bend their rules for you.
Your meeting these bare minimums, often for everyone’s safety, is an indication of how you’ll behave as a client. Not complying with their rules sends a clear message and means you might not be safe to work with.
Communicate Your Boundaries, Respect Their Boundaries
Everyone in a kink scene, including the professionals, have limits and boundaries. Professional Dominants will tell you what theirs are and will expect you to respect them. If you can’t do that, you shouldn’t be getting kinky. Again, pros aren’t kink dispensers. Yes, you’re paying for a service, but both sides of the slash get a say in what happens.
At the same time, you’ve got to speak up about your own boundaries and limits. Never assume someone will just know or that certain boundaries are “common.” Seasoned professionals will often ask, but this isn’t a time to be shy, either. They’re not judging you, and they want you to have a good experience. They can only do that if you’re honest with them.
In the discussion about boundaries and limits, there should also be a conversation about safety and safewords. How will you indicate there’s a problem in the middle of the scene? What word or phrase will you use as a safeword? What gestures should you use if words aren’t an option? Will they check-in from time to time?
Tipping is a Good Idea
I came across one article that interviewed a pro Domme who said you should definitely tip, and I’ll defer to the professionals on this one. At the very least, if you’re looking online for a pro to guide your scene, factor in a tip when you calculate what the overall cost will be.
Think about it this way. If you respect boundaries, communicate well, follow the rules, AND tip, you’re likely to become a favorite client – which means good things for future sessions. And tipping shows that you appreciate the value of what’s being offered and what’s been done. If you’re the type to tip a hair stylist, server, or anyone else in the service industry, why should a professional Dominant be treated any differently?
If you’re looking for a submissive experience with a pro Dom, ask what kind of aftercare can be provided when the scene is over. Some will offer aftercare in the immediate aftermath of the scene. Others may allow for a check-in call the next day or beyond.
The kind of aftercare provided will be determined by what you want/need, the kind of scene you have, and what your Dom is willing to do. (Remember, we all get to have our own boundaries and limits.) If aftercare is important to you, keep looking until you find the pro who will provide that service, too. Otherwise, you may need to reach out to a kink friend to help you after your scene.
Don’t Expect Sex
Unless a pro Dom specifically offers sexual intercourse as a service, you shouldn’t assume you’ll get it before, during, or after. Yes, you may be highly aroused by the kinks you’ve experienced. You may want to fuck someone. Unless you negotiate that service ahead of time, don’t go looking for it from them.
And don’t be surprised if sex isn’t a service a lot of pro Doms even offer. Many focus on topping or Domming with very specific kink acts. If you want to be topped and then fucked, you may need to find a different service provider.
While there are clear differences between hiring a pro Dom/me and developing a budding power exchange relationship, there are some definite similarities. Go into this with an idea of what you want, a healthy respect for the services being provided AND the service provider, and keep the lines of communication open. If you can do that, you’ll find a professional who can help bring your kinky fantasies to life.
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