Saying “No” In D/s Relationships

No means no, until you negotiate something different in your D/s relationship. No can be a kinky act of denial or it can be a way to maintain boundaries. The one thing that’s definite about the word no in D/s — it’s complicated. At least, it can be. So let’s talk about it.

In this episode:

  • Check out John Brownstone’s online stores: The Wood Dom and the Kinky Fuckery Shop
  • There’s more to saying no in D/s than we sometimes imagine.
  • Dominant says no to deny their submissive something in a kinky way
  • Dominant says no for their submissive’s own good — within the parameters of their relationship
  • Dominants will say no because they can (which can be an abuse of power and a red flag)
  • Submissives may not feel comfortable saying no — believing it makes them less submissive
  • They may not want to say no because they don’t want to deny their partner
  • No is a complete sentence but in D/s, it should also be the start of a conversation.
  • “No” is a way to play as a brat.
  • Dominants may not want to say no to a partner even though they think it’s the best response.

Links from the show:

Reasons You May Say No in a D/s Relationship (blog post)

When to Use Your Safeword (podcast)

Discipline, Punishment, and Consequences (podcast)

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