5 Reasons to Join a Kinky Community

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When someone asks me, “Where do I meet a Dominant?” or “Where do I go to learn how to do bondage or cupping or…” (pick a kinky thing, any kinky thing,) my answer is always some variation of the same reply.

Have you joined a kinky community?

Most of the time I mean the local kinky community where you meet people in person instead behind a screen. But in reality, it doesn’t always have to be live and local. It’s still our top pick for anyone who wants to meet people, make friends, and learn more. But we also know and believe in the importance of an online community (obviously!).

Whether you’re still debating on going to that munch or talking to people online, there are real benefits to joining a kinky community of some sort.

You’ll Realize You’re Not Alone

What we do in BDSM is on the fringe of what a lot of people might consider “normal.” Hell, we often spend a lot of time asking ourselves why we like the things we do and what’s wrong with us. In a kink community you get a clear and constant reminder that you’re not alone. There will be other people who call their Dominant “Mistress” or “Daddy.” There will be other people who like brats or want a slave. You’re not alone in your kinky wants and needs, and this is your proof.

You’ll Find Acceptance

Let me add a caveat to this: in any group of people there will be those who try to tell you the “right” thing to do and will label anything different as wrong. That’s human nature. But for the most part, in good healthy communities, your kinks will be accepted. Maybe they won’t be embraced. Maybe they won’t be understood. But unlike your vanilla job or family, very few (if anyone) will ostracize you for your consensual kinky fuckery. And if they do, the community isn’t a good fit for you.

You’ll Get to Talk More Freely

I’ve never been to a gathering of kinksters in public where the conversation didn’t turn to sex and kink of some sort. We can’t help ourselves, even when we’re in public. The floodgates open, often because we’ve held back for weeks, months, and even years. I’m not talking to my family about how hard kneeling is on my knees or how I like to have my face fucked. But it might come up when I’m with other kinksters at an event.

You’ll Learn More

We don’t know what we don’t know. We might have an idea of a thing we want to learn, but some concepts never occur to us until we talk to someone else. I would never have considered threatening with a knife but never actually using it a way to engage in knife play – until I saw it done. The more we interact with other kinksters, the more ideas and methods we’re exposed to. You don’t have to try everything you learn about, but it definitely expands your options and your horizons.

You’ll Have New Experiences

Depending on the type of community you join, you’ll be exposed to all kinds of new experiences. Here in our local area, we have different events for FemDoms, high protocol parties, CMNF (clothed male, naked female), parties for gay and bisexual men, and (of course) parties for littles and babygirl/boys. Recently, there was even a tickle party. One friend (@KneelingSub) told us about a Penny Dreadful event she attends – a high protocol, formal meeting with men in suits and ladies in dresses. None of that is something we can reproduce in our home by ourselves.

This is just the tip of the iceberg for what a kinky community can do for you. Plenty of relationships have come out of an online group or a munch. You might realize you’re with an awful partner and can do better. You may simply feel more confident in your relationship as a result of being around other people. Who knows what will happen?! But the point is to find a community (ideally locally) and begin to interact with other kinksters. We’re all better at this kink thing and in our D/s relationships when we learn from others, try new things, and seek more information.

In episode 79 of the podcast, we discuss the importance of joining the kinky community.