What Does a Good Dominant Look Like? LB003

3 Responses

  1. rabbitheart says:

    It seems especially easy to get fooled as a new submissive. I try to trust and listen to my inner voice as it rarely is wrong.

  2. Knight says:

    While everything else in this post is very informative and lovely, the compulsive exclusivity mentality with marriage is a bit narrow-sighted.

    I think people take for granted how lucky they are when they’re able to find a married partner whose 1) into kink, 2) specifically on the ‘right’ side of the slash for the two of you to have a dynamic, 3) have the finances to foster this relationship and 4) be that ‘exclusive’ bond for each other.

    Why should people break off their 5+, 10+, or even +20 marriage for a new dynamic? Why is it so important that Doms drop this previous engagement- a staple in their life, their personality, their structure, for this submissive? Don’t they do enough already writing rules, regulations, punishments, check-ins, praises, and planning?

    If anything, them staying with their vanilla spouse but still being able to cultivate a strong bond with another is impressive. Divided attention isn’t the issue with this dynamic, its growth, communication, and intent. Submissives may also want a Dominant outside their vanilla dynamic, and in fact I see this set-up quite often. Why aren’t these criticized more often?

    Marriage is, at the end of a day, just a symbol. What you do with that symbol is entirely up to you. However, it isn’t the only valid symbol one uses to illustrate their commitment to another person. Oftentimes, it comes in the form of investment of timex energy, and mental thought toward another person. The tangible: a ring, house, two kids, whatever, is only as meaningful as the effort and love behind the acts.

    This post was made some time ago so maybe your views have changed but I advise spending more time with poly forums & books on D/s.

    Thank you for your time.

    • Kayla Lords says:

      Yes, you’re right, this post is more than five years old and in many ways we have changed — especially in how we convey our thoughts on a topic — because we’ve never believed marriage is compulsory/that everyone should get married/stay married. You’re on a very early episode, but we are in a poly relationship and have talked about it in multiple episodes since **this** was published (in 2015). That being said, we don’t consider ourselves poly experts and often recommend the resources we trust. We are well aware that marriage is a symbol, much like a collar is a symbol — something else given a lot of meaning and an expectation that “everyone” feels the same. We don’t feel everyone has to be married or follow the path we’re on (and never have felt that way) — and we try to make that very clear when we discuss these topics.

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