Q&A: Can We Be Switches in Different Ways and Still Have a Good D/s Relationship?

by Kayla Lords · Published August 19, 2024 · Updated August 19, 2024

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This week, a kinkster is figuring out their switchy self but isn’t sure how to navigate wanting different things in different ways than their partner.

Here’s the question:

My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years and we started our BDSM journey pretty young. We usually just have kinky sex but we’ve tried being the dynamic out of the bedroom. We had a kid about 4 years ago and that changed our life a lot (obviously) and now that she is 4 we have some more “kid free” time and we want to bring BDSM back into our life.

We are older and better understand the life now. But because of all of these changes I think our kink life has changed too. As I learn more I think we are both switches and I’m trying to find a way to make that work for us. I don’t know if you guys have any advice but I would love to hear your thoughts on a relationship with two switches.

I feel like my switch correlates with my mood and anxieties. It fluctuates and ebbs and flows for both of us. How do we navigate a relationship where we both want to be a Dom or a Sub in different ways for different situations.

I think a big part of my anxiety in being a Dom as a woman is that I don’t want to be mean and it doesn’t feel as natural so it’s harder for me to get into that headspace. I haven’t seen a lot of D/s relationships where the woman is the D and the man is the s where the Domme isn’t mean or isn’t a substitute mother. I want to find somewhere in the middle but I don’t really know how, especially in the bedroom.