Q&A: Is This Past Trauma or a New Beginning for My Submissive?

by Kayla Lords · Published December 18, 2023 · Updated December 16, 2023

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 12:49 — 14.4MB)

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In this week’s episode, a Dominant worries their submissive expects certain rules due to their past trauma and not because of the dynamic, and they don’t know how to stop worrying.

Here’s the question:

Myself and my partner (Both 51) have been together for 3 years. We have a CG/l 24/7 power exchange. She (my partner) is coming from a 20 year “off-again on-again” marriage with an abusive narcissist. Our relationship is good, and I’m doing everything I can to help her heal from the past trauma of those 20 years of garbage.

One of the things the ex- would do would be to throw a fit in public if the trip took any longer then he thought it should take, and that fit would include humiliating my partner.

MY ISSUE: When we go out shopping, as we are need to do at times, my babygirl will ask me “Can we go look at {Insert thing here}?” I have no problem with this so I, of course, go “Sure.” At one point, once we got home, I told her, “When we are out shopping, if you want to look at something, you can just say ‘Let’s go look at…'” It was then that she told me “Part of the reason why I ask is because I’m the babygirl, and I am supposed to ask permission.”

This makes total sense, and I love that she want to do this. The problem is my annoying brain is saying in the back of my head, “She’s always had to ask permission to do anything from her ex-, she’s not used to being an independent person.”

So, MY QUESTION: How do I wrestle my annoying brain into getting this is her leaning into her submissive role and not her being stuck in an old tape?