Changing Old Habits and Forming New Habits in Power Exchange

by Kayla Lords · Published October 29, 2021 · Updated October 28, 2021

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There’s a lot that goes into establishing the routine and flow of your power exchange. Mindset. Desires. Limits and boundaries. And yes, habits. To do something different or new, we have to change old habits and form new ones. But it’s not something that gets talked about in D/s, so let’s change that.

In this episode:

We’re celebrating the one year anniversary of the Kinkery with a sale!
There’s a LOT that goes into forming a power exchange and building a relationship. One of those things is changing old habits and forming new ones.
Habits are the things we’re used to doing in certain ways for certain reasons — and there are a lot of reasons why we do what we do: convenience, it makes sense, coping mechanisms, etc. Some habits serve us until they don’t. We can want to do things differently but find it very hard to change.
Quote from Psychology Today article about why it’s hard to change habits: “Neurons located in the habit formation region fire at the beginning of a new behavior, subside while the behavior occurs, and then fire again once the behavior is finished. Over time, patterns form, both in behavior and in the brain.”
There are LOTS of ways to change habits, depending on how you’re wired, what speaks to you, etc. Some resources include:
- The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin — helps you understand how you’re wired which can help you figure out how to best change your habits
- The Five Second Rule by Mel Robbins
- Atomic Habits by James Clear — very popular, want to read, some people love it.
Changing habits is very difficult even when it’s something you want to do.
Communication is key.
Be honest with yourself. Sometimes it’s not a willpower thing or a lack of desire. But sometimes it is.
Types of habits that you might change or form in D/s:
- Remembering tasks
- Following up with partners
- Practicing communication skills you KNOW you have but still fall back into old patterns.