Anal Sex Basics and Beyond
When you come back from a vacation what’s the first thing you’re ready to talk about? If it’s “anal sex” then you’re living your best life which means I must be, too. We’re in time for the latest Kink of the Week topic and I’ve got thoughts about anal sex…
Anal isn’t Everyone’s Kink
I’ve tried anal sex, and I’ve even enjoyed the sensations. But I’ve also gotten totally squicked out and said “No thank you” to John Brownstone. Technically, it’s not a hard limit but it’s close. For me the anxiety I feel over the preparation before we engage in any anal play, sex or otherwise, isn’t worth the pleasure.
For some people anal sex is the ultimate in dirty kinky fuckery. If that’s your jam, we love it for you. But it’s equally okay to decide you’re not into it. You are no more or less kinky because you don’t want to play with your partner’s butt or have your own played with. It’s like spankings or sadism and masochism – it only seems like everyone does it.
Clean or Don’t Clean
When we’ve had anal sex or even just fun with butt plugs, it was extremely important to me that everything be squeaky clean. It was equally amazing to me that some people don’t care. Let me be clear – they care about basic cleanliness and hygiene, but they’re less worried about enemas, douches, and whatever else you can stick up your ass to clean it up before you play.
I find that refreshing (pun not intended) and also not my thing. The first time John Brownstone and I played with anal penetration – with a butt plug – there was poop. Not a lot. Nothing that got on anyone’s skin. But I was mortified. As often happens when I’m freaking out, he was no-nonsense about it. Most people who are comfortable with anal, in any form, seem to have a similar attitude: Poop happens. I want it to not matter to me but it does…very, very much.
You Need More Lube Than You Realize
If you’ve done any amount of investigation into anal play – with toys or body parts – you’ve heard about the need for lube. Right?! If not, consider this the moment when you’re told: You. Need. Lube! Lots of lube.
Anyone who knows anything about anal sex often says “More lube than you think” but what that means to me is this:
- Squirt lots of lube on the toy and/or body part penetrating the butt.
- Squirt even more lube on the butt being penetrated.
- Then squirt some more. If you’re using The Butters – which we love or something like it – you’ll slather instead of squirt.
- More. No, still more. Feeling like a greased pig? You might have enough.
The best anal play and sex I’ve ever had left me feeling like a slimy mess at the back (minus the poop). Once my body relaxed enough to allow entry, the lube made it even better. And like sunscreen, reapply as needed. But unlike sunscreen, you need to actually reapply lube as needed.
Stimulate, Stimulate, Stimulate
I can’t speak for anyone else but as someone who has had both painful and not at all painful anal sex – here’s something I learned: If another part of my body is being stimulated during penetration, anal sex doesn’t hurt. At all or as much.
Everyone is different so for me, it’s clitoral stimulation. John Brownstone would reach around (or have me reach down) to stroke my clit until I orgasmed. As my body relaxed, he’d push in. Sometimes I’d be so caught up in the orgasmic sensations, I barely noticed. Other times, I’d tense up because “OMG, there’s something in my butt!” and he’d slow down until I relaxed again. But it always helped. Of course, your mileage (and body parts) will vary.
Not having a cock, I can’t tell you about how good a tight anal entry feels, but I know John Brownstone loves it. Being someone who could go her whole life without anal play, I can’t discuss it as a kink. But what I can tell you is that if it’s not an immediate hard limit (you know, the kind that gives you whole-body shudders of revulsion), it may be worth a try. Sometimes you don’t really know how you feel about a thing (like anal sex) until you’ve experienced it.