D/s Breakups LB054

by Kayla Lords · Published September 16, 2016 · Updated February 10, 2019

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Kayla Lords and John Brownstone are back for episode 54 of the Loving BDSM podcast. This week’s topic is about D/s breakups and how to (hopefully) make them suck a little less.

In this episode:

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Breakups happen for any number of reason: incompatible, cheating, violating consent, being unsafe, just not liking the other anymore.
In a perfect world, it would be a mutual, but probably still painful, decision, but it rarely happens that way.
If you’re unhappy in your relationship or don’t want to be that person’s Dom or sub anymore, it’s better to break it off (nicely and gently) than to let it linger or, worse, abandon the other person. Abandonment happens to Doms and subs.
Breaking up with your kinky partner: be honest, don’t go silent, just freaking say it, and if you’re capable/willing, be there for them for a certain amount of time after the breakup.
Being dumped: Cry, scream, drink a lot of wine, fuck a random person (consensually and with protection, y’all) but let yourself grieve in whatever way you need to.
Don’t stalk them, constantly message them, beg them to come back. This only prolongs the agony.
Breakups are the death of a relationship. Both sides are allowed to grieve in their own way. It takes as long as it’s going to take for you to get over it.
There are lessons to be learned in every failed relationship. Don’t be afraid to look back and see what you missed when you were in the middle of it.
When you’re in a toxic or unsafe relationship, the “rules” of a good breakup don’t apply. Do whatever you have to do to remove yourself from the situation and stay safe.