Reviewing Your D/s Relationship LB051

by Kayla Lords · Published August 26, 2016 · Updated February 10, 2019

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Kayla Lords and John Brownstone host episode 51 also known as the one year anniversary of the Loving BDSM podcast! This week, in keeping with the one year anniversary theme, they discuss reviewing your relationship on a regular basis – weekly, monthly, and even yearly.

In this episode:

Make sure you enter to win the anniversary giveaway! You have until 12am on September 2, 2016 to enter. Prizes will be from My Nawashi, Twisted Skrews, Cane-iac, and both of us.
Thank you to everyone who listens, comments, tweets, messages, and friends us. We couldn’t do this show without all of you.
A regular review of a D/s relationship is necessary to make sure everyone is happy, needs are being met, and that there are no problems.
We are constantly reviewing our relationship by simply talking about problems, concerns, or ideas we have.
You can set a formal time to do this – once a day, week, month, etc. – or be more casual about it.
Submissives need to be willing to admit when they’re having a problem with something.
Dominants need to be willing to listen and take in the information. Changing a task, modifying a rule, or eliminating something may be in order.
Submissives shouldn’t automatically expect to get a rule or task they don’t like changed.
If you have problems saying what’s on your mind, write it down. This goes for Dominants, too.
Both of you need to be flexible (to a certain degree) because life will get in the way. This is where good communication comes in handy.
Tasks and rules are meant to change over time, especially anything that’s meant to enhance or improve a submissive. Once the rule or task isn’t needed anymore, you can move onto other things you both want to work on in your relationship.
When creating your first list of tasks or rules in your relationship, realize that what you try might not always work out – another reason to be flexible.
In reviewing our relationship from the past year, we’ve worked on my need for self-improvement: exercise, healthy eating, and mental health. Not a lot of rules or tasks have changed over the past year although we modified one task – instead of kneeling on the floor, I kneel on the bed now.
When you have a review of your relationship, it’s okay if you don’t need to change a lot. Sometimes a review is a quick check-in to make sure everything is okay. If it is, keep moving forward.
Dominants are known for being patient – if you don’t feel like you’re a patient Dom, start working on it. The relationship you envision won’t happen over night. It can take a long time to get your submissive into a routine with tasks and rules that works well for both of you.
Bonus tip: For those who have problems communicating – and who are often misunderstood when you write it in text or email – practice what you want to say in the car, shower, or wherever you’re alone. Sure, you’ll be talking to yourself, but you’ll be better prepared for your big conversation – no matter what it’s about.