When Your Needs Aren’t Being Met LB035

by Kayla Lords · Published April 29, 2016 · Updated May 6, 2019

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Kayla Lords and John Brownstone team up again for another long episode covering a big topic – your needs in your D/s relationship. What to do when they’re not being met, how to handle it, and when (sometimes) it’s not really about your needs but what your partner needs.

In this episode:

Shout-outs to Zander and Ruth Kay for their support of the podcast and the high-quality mic fund. More shout-outs coming next week. Yes, you can still pledge your support. We’re about halfway to what we need to make it a reality. Woohoo!
This week’s episode is inspired by two different questions from submissives about their needs.
How to handle it when a partner, specifically your Dominant, can’t give you what you want because of major stress in their life.
What to do when your partner won’t fulfill your needs – or make an attempt – because they don’t want to.
There are no easy answers, but they all begin with communication.
When life stress gets in the way of your D/s relationship, holding onto the structure you already have will help you.
As a submissive, sometimes serving comes in the form of supporting our Dominant through tough times, taking care of things for them when they can’t, and simply being patient.
Tough situations can happen to you as a couple. Understand that it’s normal for the D/s side of things to slip, but if you can maintain the basic structure of your power exchange, you may be able to cling to that when things get really tough.
Sometimes it’s not stress that gets in the way. Sometimes your partner doesn’t want to fulfill your needs for any number of reasons.
First talk. Then watch their reaction. Next decide what to do.
It’s okay if your desires, wants, and needs don’t match up perfectly with your partner. There are ways around it. Sometimes you don’t have to align perfectly to have a good relationship.