Making the Switch to a Daddy Dom/Little Dynamic – LB006

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Hosted by both Kayla Lords and John Brownstone, episode six of Loving BDSM focuses on making the switch from a D/s to Daddy Dom/little dynamic.

Many submissives admit to recognizing themselves in the descriptions of littles or babygirls, but say that the Daddy Dom/little (or Mommy/little) dynamic isn’t for them. No, this type of relationship isn’t for everyone, but it doesn’t have to be scary, creepy, or “icky” either. In this episode, we talk about how our thinking changed and then our relationship, making it better than ever.

In this episode:

• Together at last!
• This week’s was episode inspired by feedback from some of Kayla’s articles: Being a Daddy or Little Isn’t About Children
• Misconceptions and lack of knowledge about what being a Daddy or little mean
• How it felt to hear “Daddy” and “babygirl” for the first time
• What being a Daddy means to John
• What being a babygirl means to Kayla
• Don’t worry about labels. All that matters is what feels right for your relationship

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Abbreviated Transcript

John Brownstone had much more to stay than this transcript shows. This is from the script we began with. The actual discussion was a bit more involved. If we can ever find a transcription person or program that we can afford, I will update this for you.

KAYLA: You’re listening to Loving BDSM podcast: episode 6. Today, we’re discussing changing dynamics within your D/s relationship. Hey, everybody. Kayla Lords here along with, OMG guess who – John Brownstone! Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, then thanks for coming. Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure and show notes are found at kaylalords.com. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite RSS feed or iTunes. If you love what you hear, we’d love a good review on iTunes! You can follow me on Twitter @KaylaLords. And visit John Brownstone at southernsirsplace.com. All links are in the show notes. Now, let’s get into the show.

Both John Brownstone – who I’m going to start calling Daddy in this episode or I might start twitching and foaming at the mouth – and I receive questions from kinksters all the time. Most of the time, it’s submissives asking if this thing or that thing in their relationship is okay or normal. But lately, I’ve been hearing from more and more people, again, typically submissives, who are reading articles I’ve written or shared from other writers on being in a Daddy and little relationship. They thank me for reassuring them it’s normal or tell me stories about how they felt like a crazy person and are glad to know the Daddy/little – or in my case, babygirl thing is completely normal and has nothing to do with little kids.

KAYLA: So today, for our first podcast episode together (and OMG, it makes me want to squee that we’re talking to you together like this), we thought we’d talk more in depth about making the switch from our own original dynamic, when he was Sir and I was pet, to where we’re at now, Daddy and babygirl.

Okay, Daddy, you go first. What did you think of the whole Daddy Dom/little thing at first?

JOHN B.: Well I wasn’t sure what to think at first as it was not something I thought about as a dynamic. My previous D/s was more of a Sir and pet with hints of Gor sprinkled in. The first thought that came to mind was role playing and even thoughts of a sugar daddy were what I thought of.

KAYLA: Were you afraid of anything in particular about the dynamic, Daddy?

JOHN B.: I think the main thing I was afraid of when this aspect of being a Daddy was presented to me was that I would be thought of as some kind of pedophile. That thought though was from my at that time ignorance of what it meant to be a Daddy Dom.

JOHN B.: What about you, babygirl?

KAYLA: I admit the idea of it, at first, made me very uncomfortable. I still remember the blog posts where I said I might be submissive, but I definitely wasn’t a little. I might be childlike but I couldn’t call anyone Daddy. It’s on the record, back to 2012, I think. Hell, my Sir and Babygirl books came about because I wasn’t comfortable with the term “Daddy” for the Dominant character, Johnathan.

I called my own father “Daddy” until he died. And frankly, if he was still alive, I’m not sure what I would have done. The word was associated with my actual father, and it squicked me out. A lot.

That being said, I was drawn to the dynamics of a Daddy Dom. The nurturing, caring, softer, gentler side of Dominant. Well, okay, it’s only softer and gentler when you’re well-behaved. Get a little sassy and all bets are off. Ha!

I think I was most scared of being confused with a pedophile or being more of a freak than I already was as a kinkster. I didn’t want to be associated with doing bad things to kids, and children and sex definitely don’t turn me on.

But then a day came, after much reading and soul-searching, when I realized it had nothing to do with children. Being a babygirl to your Daddy Dom had more to do with how we relate to each other, and what I needed from you.

Do you remember when I asked if you were a Daddy Dom?

JOHN B.: I remember very clearly when you asked me that. We were together at the time as I was up visiting you and I looked you square in the eye and told you I am not a Daddy Dom.

I remember the first time I called you “Daddy” – it took all my courage. We were in the middle of having wild, monkey sex, y’all. And I had this urge to scream out, “More Daddy. Give me more, Daddy!” Part of my brain said it was the perfect time because if he didn’t like it, I could just say it was a moment of dirty talk gone wrong. It still took me a few minutes. There he is, pounding into me with all he’s got, and I’m having an internal debate.

So finally, I call out, “Daddy!” And holy hell, y’all, everything changed. It was awesome.

What did you think when you heard me call you that?

JOHN B.: It was like something switched in me, it was right or I should say it felt right.

And what did you think the first time I called you “babygirl?”

KAYLA: Oh lordy, I preened. I remember smiling and blushing and thinking, “Yes, that’s exactly who I am, what I want to be.” But it started earlier than that, if you remember. Even back in the day when I was “pet,” you’d call me “little one” – a term I still adore. Part of being submissive, I think, is feeling smaller than you, being protected by you. That name gives me that feeling when all we have are words.

A lot of time has passed. We’ve been Daddy and babygirl for the majority of our relationship now. I can’t really imagine being anything else.

What does it mean to you to be a Daddy, now that you know the reality and we’ve lived this life?

JOHN B.: It is a great responsibility being a Daddy, you have to walk a fine line between being firm and being indulgent. You have to know, and this takes time, patience and getting to know one another on a deep level of when to be one or the other.

Okay, babygirl, now it’s your turn. What’s it like being “babygirl?”

KAYLA: I always say it’s my most vulnerable self. It’s the part of me that giggles and flounces around and says silly stuff. It’s also the side that cries and pouts and stomps her feet. You know, the stuff you can’t always let your kids see and you never show your boss. I have what I call “little tendencies” – I don’t identify with a specific age but I have moments that are stereotypically “little” – my love of Disney movies, my need to be surrounded by the color purple, my pigtails, knee socks, and teddy bears. The squeal of delight when I see something I love – whatever it is.

Of course, I’ve also learned, over time, that my babygirl self is slightly different than my submissive self. As a submissive, I want to serve you, take care of your needs – domestic and sexual, and submit to your every whim. But as a babygirl, I want to be taken care of, I want to be indulged and petted and snuggled. Most of the time, both sides live in harmony and I can be your submissive babygirl. But there have been times when I didn’t want to serve because it got in the way of my need to be taken care of. It was a strange moment to be sure. It was a real test of our dynamic. I had to put aside my babygirl self and simply be a good submissive. Of course, I’d like to think I passed that test with flying colors, but really, I learned a lesson. It was one I preach and had never experienced – choosing to submit.

JOHN B.: A Dominant gives his submissive structure through their power exchange, the Daddy/babygirl dynamic is very similar but it just puts the caregiver role more of a forefront to the relationship.

KAYLA: So there you have it. We’re a Daddy and his babygirl. We’re not into kids. The dynamic isn’t creepy or weird. We’re just two people who have found the best way to express our needs. Being a Daddy, a Mommy, a babygirl, a little, or whatever isn’t about having sex with children. It’s a legitimate dynamic in the BDSM lifestyle. You don’t have to use the labels we use to have a similar dynamic, either. But you should always do what feels natural to you.

That’s it for us this week. Feel free to reach out if you have questions or if you’d like us to touch on a specific topic. Links are in the show notes. Okay, y’all, keep it kinky and we’ll see you next week!