WTF is Soft BDSM?
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Trying to figure out what “soft BDSM” even is took us on a journey. Let’s talk about it.
In this episode:
- Our Holiday Cricket tier – and holiday party sign up – ends on Saturday, November 15!
- Disclaimer: We don’t have to like a term for it to be valid for someone else
- Why does this even matter?
- Common understanding of terms
- Important for clear communication and consent
- We came across the concept of soft BDSM from last week’s Reddit episode.
- Kayla went searching online and there wasn’t a lot of actual resources
- One person’s response resonated: “I think it all depends and can be arbitrary categorization. It can also create a need to prove yourself to be “hardcore” or something. But if I had to classify I’d probably go based on risk.”
- From one website: “Soft BDSM is a lighter and more accessible version of BDSM, ideal for beginners who wish to be introduced to this world in a gentle way. In soft BDSM, pain and humiliation are generally limited and the practices are more sensual and erotic.”
- Same website: “Hard BDSM, on the other hand, is for the more experienced and thrill-seeking individuals. In hard BDSM, the pain, humiliation and control are more intense and the practices can be more extreme.”
- From another website: “Soft BDSM refers to lighter, more approachable BDSM practices that focus on sensuality and connection. Unlike intense scenes in a dungeon, soft BDSM allows couples to experiment with power dynamics, light restraint, and sensation play—all while staying within their comfort zones.”
- From another: “soft kink is just for beginners” and then goes on to mention things that beginners CAN do but let’s not refer to them as “soft” – floggers, wax play, etc.
- Searching for the concept on social media – IG and on TikTok via Google, and the tag is often used but conversations about “soft BDSM” specifically weren’t really prevalent
- Searching “hard BDSM” tends to bring up hardcore porn
- Found a Tumblr post that mirrors my own thinking: “Hard” kink isn’t a term the community tends to use and the equivalent we have might be “edgeplay” and it’s ALL subjective
- Kayla went to Fetlife and didn’t really find anything except a post by Innocent Empath talking about the watering down of kink – about how some kinksters are trying to soften the edges of BDSM, to make it more palatable and mainstream, to prove we’re not “deviants” (yes we are)
Links from the episode:
Join us on Patreon as a Holiday Cricket
What is Soft BDSM? (from the Softer BDSM subreddit)
What is soft or hard BDSM to you? (Reddit post)
The Difference Between Soft and Hard BDSM
BDSM for Beginners (insert eye roll here)
What is “Hard Kink?” (Tumblr post)
Fetlife post from Innocent Empath (quoted at the end of the episode)
Resources and sites we recommend
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Message or friend us on Fetlife
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