Perimenopause and Power Exchange

by Kayla Lords · Published February 28, 2025 · Updated February 27, 2025

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Perimenopause can impact a person’s life for a decade or more, so of course it affects your power exchange relationship and kink life. And it’s past time to talk about it.

In this episode:

Resources used for this topic:
- The Menopause Manifesto by Dr. Jen Gunter and her substack
  - Her book is from 2021 so misses some of the newer studies but it’s still an excellent resource
  - Her substack has free and paid articles – the free articles I saw and read were helpful
- Dr. Mary Claire Haver’s website and social media
  - She has a book I want: The New Menopause
  - Dr. Haver specializes in menopausal women
  - She also has a list on her website of doctors who are considered good for perimenopausal and menopausal women
  - There’s also a section on her site that links to studies done about perimenopause and menopause.
Who experiences perimenopause?
- Every AFAB person who continues to have ovaries if they live long enough
- Surgical menopause is a thing – and can mean immediate menopause without going through perimenopause
- Everyone’s health experience is different and there are always exceptions to the rule
What is perimenopause?
- The multiple years when egg supply decreases to zero and menopause occurs. Menopause is declared 12 months and 1 day after your last period OR with a blood test if you don’t get periods.
- Like periods, everyone will experience perimenopause differently from not a lot to all the symptoms
- One study showed as many as 52 possible symptoms, while some experts say it can be as high as 70 to 80 possible symptoms
- No two people will necessarily experience the same symptoms
- Perimenopause symptoms can be mistaken for neurodivergency but also perimenopause can worsen neurodivergent symptoms (any major hormonal fluctuation can)
When does perimenopause occur?
- 7-10 years before menopause
- Age range of typical menopause – 45-55
  - Age range of perimenopause: 35-45
Talk to your doctor about treatments for perimenopause
- Too many doctors suck at dealing with perimenopause so you may have to firmly advocate for yourself or look for another doctor
  - If you go the advocacy route, take them copies of the studies on Dr. Haver’s website especially as it ties into your own symptoms and/or treatment you’d like to try
- Common suggestions include more fiber, more protein, weight training, better sleep, stress reduction and (for some people) HRT
How perimenopause can affect power exchange and kink
- Kayla’s personal experience based on major symptoms
- AFAB Dominants can also experience changes to their Dominance during perimenopause
- Communication is absolutely necessary to survive this – as is understanding from the partner not going through perimenopause