Q&A: How Do I Handle Having a Bad Local Community?

by Kayla Lords · Published November 4, 2024 · Updated November 4, 2024

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A newish kinkster live in an area with a local kink community they’re not comfortable being part of and driving to another area isn’t an option.

Here’s the question:

What do I do when I have an objectively bad local BDSM community?

I’m still a “newbie” (aka i have not been in a d/s dynamic or engaged in my kinks other than in the form of online sex work like onlyfans). Everyone suggests new people go to local community events such as munches, educational events, join groups, etc, but my area is just not good to put it lightly. I am 6 hours away from a big metro city, and other events outside my city are still a couple of hours away at minimum. My local community only has 2 groups, and one small swingers group. The two main BDSM groups are extremely problematic and have too many red flags for me to feel comfortable to ever engage with these groups. Every single munch, social event, educational event, etc is tied to either one of these groups. How am I supposed to meet people now?

A lot of others have suggested making my own group, which I have (TNG munches) but I’ve had 4 events so far, 2 of which no one showed up and the other two where it was just one other person and me. Which is fine, I completely understand that starting something from scratch will take time to grow, but the experience of starting something is still wildly different from joining something that’s already established.

Also, I’m not sure I am the best person to be hosting such events since I am still new. I’ve done hours upon hours of research, on BDSM in general and hosting social events, and gotten advice from people as to whether I as a newbie should be hosting munches is 50/50. Some people say it’s completely unsafe for a new person with no experience to host BDSM events while others say that it doesn’t matter as much since I only plan to ever host social events at bars, coffee shops, arcades, etc.