Top 5 BDSM Book Recommendations for All Kinksters

Disclosure: Affiliate links are used within this post. That means if you click a link and make a purchase, we make a small commission. Our affiliate links are through Bookshop.org (Amazon rejected us for being too sexual — sad but true). We offer both Amazon and Bookshop.org links because sometimes it’s easier and more affordable for people to shop through Amazon (we get it, we do it too). However, if you shop through Bookshop.org, you help support independent bookstores — and we know that’s important for many readers, too. Soooo…you’ve got options!

In trying to put together this list of books, we’ve made some decisions. One, this list contains books that offer general kink information or general information that help any kind of kinkster. None of these books are better for Doms and tops or subs and bottoms. That list can be found here: Top Book Recommendations for Doms and subs.

Also, there are a LOT of books devoted to general BDSM information. The books that made our list are the ones that stuck out to us the most and/or are the books we recommend to other people most often. These are our top favorites, but certainly not the only good books out there. Consider these just a starting point to finding more information since many include resource lists to help you find more to read.

Kinktionary by Ignixia Roberts

Disclosure: We are friends with Ignixia and think she’s fucking amazing in general but also as a kink educator, so our bias is clear. We purchased our copy of Kinktionary from Amazon.

Jumping into BDSM and kink often requires learning a second language (of sorts). We throw around a lot of terms like RACK and CBT and even the obvious BDSM. It’s easy to get lost and confused, and wonder what everyone is saying. Plus if you don’t know what something means, can you really consent to it? There are a ton of online guides and resources to help you navigate the language of being kinky, and for book-lovers, Kinktionary is one of our favorites.

Not only does Ignixia give you easy, clear definitions for a lot of kink terms — some of which I wasn’t familiar with until I saw them in her book. But she also provides space to add new words as our kinky language continues to evolve. Come across a kink term you don’t understand? Flip open Kinktionary to learn what it is — and whether you want to know even more about it later.

Want to know more? Check out our video review here.

Buy it on Amazon | Buy it from Ignixia’s site
Available only in print (paperback)

Tongue-Tied by Stella Harris

Disclosure: Our copy is a review copy received back in 2018.

In BDSM and power exchange, nothing healthy or safe happens without clear communication (and consent). But knowing how to communicate effectively with someone is a skill most of us don’t actually possess. But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn. Tongue-Tied is the absolute perfect place to begin.

The majority of the book focuses on relationship and sexual communication in general with only a chapter devoted to kink and power exchange. But everything in every chapter will apply to your kink life. This is a perfect book for both new kinksters and long-time lifestylers who want to improve communication in existing relationships or the relationships not yet developed.

We love this book so much it’s our top recommendation for kinksters struggling with communication, and it’s part of our 2021 Kinky Book Club list.

Want to know more? Check out our video discussion of the book here.

Buy it on Amazon | Buy it on Bookshop.org
Available in ebook and print

When Someone You Love is Kinky by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt

Disclosure: I think I was sent a review copy but it’s been literal years and can no longer remember. To be safe, let’s say I was.

Who needs this book? While it’s got great general BDSM info, it’s primarily meant for the non-kink person in your life. Consider it a bit of a two-fer. You, as the kinky person, get help dealing with some of the emotional turmoil you might feel about talking to the people in your life about kink.

But you also get a resource to share with the people you who you want to know about your kink side. That could be your partner who isn’t sure how they feel about the BDSM life, but they’re open to it. It could also be friends and family who know something is different about you but are vanilla through and through. (Or at least you think they are…people will surprise you.)

It’s a book meant to inform non-kinksters in a helpful, friendly, look-we’re-not-scary-at-all kind of way while also giving you the tools you need to explain yourself (to those you deem worthy of receiving an explanation).

Buy in on Amazon | Buy it on Bookshop.org
Available in ebook and print

Playing Well with Others by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams

When I told John Brownstone I was putting this list together (and asked for book suggestions), he told me this one had to be on the list. Why?

In his words: “Because this is what I wish I had known when I first entered my local kink community. Every chapter I’ve read so far makes me think, “This is information I needed back then!””

The book, Playing Well with Others, focuses on how to navigate the BDSM community. For many kinksters, this can be the hardest part. You might find it relatively easy to get your kink on in the privacy of your own bedroom, wearing full fetish gear and using kinky toys that look like torture devices. But consider going to a munch, and you’re hiding in a corner, whimpering out your safeword.

Yeah, the community often seems intimidating until you get into it and learn how it all works — and find your people. This book can help you go from being terrified to feeling like you have a clue (at least a small one) about what to expect and how to be a kink person in a kink setting, whether that’s a dungeon or a munch.

Buy it on Amazon | Buy it on Bookshop.org
Available in ebook, printed, and audiobook

The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino

Disclosure: Another review copy, I think. It’s been a loooooong time since I read it and my memory is fuzzy. But again, to be safe, assume I was given a copy.

The Ultimate Guide to Kink is essentially an ultimate beginner’s guide. You get thorough discussions of what a kink is, how to engage with it and explore it safely, and plenty of definitions and meanings for terms you may or may not have heard about. It also features essays sharing the personal experiences of kinksters from a wide variety of backgrounds. You’ll read things that turn you on, turn you off, confuse you, intrigue you, and more. But it will, ideally, teach you about what kink can be — and show you a bit of what’s possible.

This is a great book for anyone who thinks, “I know I’m kinky but I’m not sure what that even means” as well as the “What is there to do? How does it all work? Where should I begin?!” kinksters.

Buy it on Amazon | Buy it on Bookshop.org
Available in ebook, printed, and audiobook

Bottomline…

Is this list extensive? Of course not! And books aren’t the only way to learn about BDSM (obviously). But this is a good starting point when you’re figuring out the BDSM life for yourself. We have a page of resources we recommend and trust, including books for more recommendations.

And if you have a general BDSM book recommendation that we didn’t list, let us know in the comments! We might read it in the future and you might help other kinksters find new books to read, too!