When You’re Easing Your Way Back Into the BDSM and D/s Lifestyle
When you’re away from anything for a long time it can be a little overwhelming to ease back into it. The same is true with D/s relationships, too. Maybe you’ve explored kink on your own but not with a partner. Maybe you backed away from the BDSM lifestyle completely because it was too much, too painful, too lonely.
Whatever your reason, now you’re ready to jump back in…or dip a toe in. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, worried, or unsure of how to move on, hopefully we can help bolster you a bit as you find your footing.
Certain Things Never Change
Assuming your first trip into D/s relationships and BDSM wasn’t a total disaster or filled with massive missteps, you can be sure of one thing…things haven’t changed as much as you imagine. Yes, the way we connect changes constantly. New websites, new places to learn, new terminology, you name it. But the idea of communication, negotiation, collaboration (just heard that used the other day, and I love it!), those things never went out of style.
Getting to know yourself and others still takes time. Learning to trust people still isn’t always easy. Being friends (or at least friendly) first still helps. The things that were true when you entered into the BDSM lifestyle (no matter how long ago) haven’t changed.
Take Your Time
This isn’t a race, no matter how eager you are. Rushing head first into the first D/s relationship that looks appealing won’t always work. (We know it sometimes works, but those always seem to be the exceptions that prove the rule).
Find good resources. Acclimate yourself to new sites, apps, or ways of meeting kinksters. Make sure you feel comfortable with your next steps. Even with previous experience in D/s and BDSM, you can still fall victim to abusers, predators, and liars if you’re not careful.
Being eager helps as long as you’re smart about it. Take your time about it. Get to know people. And listen to that little niggling voice in the back of your head or pit of your stomach that says something doesn’t feel right.
Join Your Community
Of course we want you to join our community but any positive community will do for easing back into the kinky life. Find your local munch. If it’s been years since you’ve attended, there’s a good chance someone will remember you and be glad to see you. Fetlife has problems but it can be a great resource for finding local events.
The point is to be around likeminded people and be reminded that you’re not alone. Communities are supposed to help each other learn and grow. (If your community doesn’t do that, it might be time to find another community.) When you’re jumping back into a kinky life, your local munch or kinky social group can be a source of support, education, and reassurance.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away from a thing (even kink and BDSM) when it no longer feels right or when life makes it impossible. We’re not surprised when some people can’t stay away and want to try again – we’re happy you’re back! it also makes sense that you might be nervous about jumping back into BDSM and D/s again. Take your time and find the right community to help support you as you find what feels right and fits your needs, desires, and life.
In episode 112 of the podcast, we talk about easing your way back into D/s and BDSM after taking a break.
