No matter what the erotic, air-brushed version of the internet (or porn) wants you to believe, anyone and everyone can be kinky. Yes, that includes disabled people. But sometimes the typical advice or information available isn’t compatible with the reality of living with a disability.
We’re often asked for advice and help, which we’re not qualified to give. We don’t have the lived experience to tell someone else how to navigate their neurodivergency, physical disability, chronic illness (or some combination) and BDSM.
What we can do is point you in the right direction of kinksters and educators who have the knowledge and lived experience to actually help. Thanks to a 2019 Twitter thread, we asked the kinky hive mind for their recommendations on who’s talking about BDSM/kink, and disability.
People/Sites
In some cases, the creators below devote all of their content and work to disability issues and in others, they are a person who happens to be kinky and disabled, facts that are simple part of their content.
From their about page: “A Kinky Autistic is a sex, kink and disability blog run and written solely by me, Morgan Peschek. At the time of writing, I’m 22 years old, an English graduate studying towards an MA in Applied Linguistics whilst living as a disabled autistic person with depression, anxiety and traits of BPD. On the lighter side, I’m a Slytherin, a puppy player, an avid knitter and slightly obsessed with Kingdom Hearts and Crash Bandicoot. I use they/them pronouns and I identify as nonbinary, bisexual and a very perverted nerd.”
Andrew Gurza (host of the podcast and site, Disability After Dark)
From his bio: “Andrew Gurza is a Disability Awareness Consultant and Cripple Content Creator. In his work, he seeks to explore how the lived experience of disability feels, as it interplays with intersectional communities. He has presented all across North America on sex and disability as a Queer Crippled man. His written work has been highlighted in Out Magazine, The Advocate and Huffington Post.”
From the about page: “Hi, my name is Ruby Rousson (she/her/they) and I am a queer chronically ill disabled British writer, sex worker, sex educator and founder of Arousibility, Parlour Talk and The Ruby Umbrella. Arousibility focuses on sex and disability and has started to expand to include talk about self-care and even the odd bit of erotica…Arousibility started out as a personal blog. I wrote about sex work, reviewed sex toys and discussed my disability under my own name. Then the site went through a few name changes until I finally settled on calling it Arousibility – a mix of ‘arousal/arousability’ and ‘disability’.”
Check out their section focused on BDSM and kink
From their about page: “My name is Betty Butch. I’m a kinky sex geek and sex toy reviewer. I write about pleasure, risk-aware consensual kink, neurodiversity, queerness, mental health, relationships, and body positivity.”
From the Mission & History page: “Many things are affected by chronic illnesses and disabilities. However, the things most focused on by the wide world are productivity, symptoms, morbidity, and mortality. These are clearly worthwhile, but what about Quality of Life (QOL)? Chronic Sex aims to open up frank discussions and ruminations about how QOL is affected, specifically focusing on self-love, self-care, relationships, sexuality, and sex itself.”
Kink Positive (created by Ignixia)
From her about page: “Ignixia is an internationally renowned professional kink educator and leather-woman who was the owner and sole-operator of an award-winning leather business where she used her skills as a leatherworker to create the Kinkability toy line, first of its kind fetish gear designed for those with disabilities. As someone who lives with chronic pain, along with her partner, she uses her experiences to help others with chronic pain through classes designed to make daily life and kink easier to manage.”
Robin Wilson-Beattie (aka @sexAbled on Twitter)
From her website: “My mission is to provide comprehensive, intersectional and research-based education and information, so that people are able to access better disability, sexuality and reproductive health practices and solutions.”
From their about page: “I’m a vulva-owning, nonbinary, kinky, Disabled, polyamorous, poor (formerly homeless) queer. In the BDSM community, I’m a switch who enjoys a variety of roles, but primarily I’m a mean-ass online professional dominatrix, a doting daddy, an adoring little, and a bratty sub to tops who think they’re up to the challenge.”
From Wittie’s about page: I’m Wittie and I created this blog to talk freely about my life in BDSM as a blind individual. I also chronicle my life as a college student. I’m a psych major and hope to become a sex therapist one day. On top of that I’m a mommy and am learning to balance this crazy life of mine.
Articles
These are specific articles we’ve found or what were pointed out to us as personal experiences and/or helpful information. Oftentimes they’re hosted on sites that don’t focus on both BDSM and disability as a topic.
Small Acts of Service While Disabled by slave chase tramel
My Autistic BDSM Journey by minimus maximus (of Off the Cuffs podcast)
Being a Disabled Top in Kink Community by Xan West
Broken Toys are More Fun to Play With (guest post by Lilith Young published on Coffee and Kink)
Videos/Channels
This list may house channels that focus on disability and kink or may be one-off videos from creators who discuss other topics as well.
Sex and Disabilities from Watts the Safeword
Podcasts/Podcast Episodes
This list may house podcasts that focus on disability and kink or may be one-off episodes from creators who discuss other topics as well.
Disability After Dark with Andrew Gurza
Time Flies and Airplanes Crash: A Podcast About Kink and Neurodiversity
Episode 282, Off the Cuffs Podcast
Disabled and Kinky AF
Episode 39, Pink Kink
We know this isn’t everyone on the internet talking about BDSM and disability. If you come across a resource (person, site, article, video, etc) you’d like to recommend or you’re someone talking about disability and kink on the internet, contact us and let us know. We want this to be a page that grows over time!
