Basic BDSM Sexting Guide

Sexting can be a lot more fun when it’s served with a side of kink. If you’re nervous about getting started exchanging some kinky sexts, don’t be. Below is a basic guide for getting started, whether it’s your first time exchanging kinky sexts or you’ve been in the scene for years.

Getting Started

If you’re well-acquainted with your love of power exchange, then all you need to do is find a way to express yourself via sexts, which is easier said than done. But if this is your first time dabbling in BDSM, you’ll need to try on a few BDSM ideas before you know exactly where you fit. It’s a myth that people who are assertive in real life are necessarily dominant in bed, and those that are accommodating in real life are fated to be submissive in bed. In fact, a lot of BDSM is about playing with the naturally occurring power imbalances that we experience today.

There is an abundance of quizzes online willing to tell you whether or not you’re dominant or submissive, but some people fall in between the two categories. If you’re sometimes dominant and other times submissive, you’re a switch. All are equally valid kink identities. And getting your feet wet by trying out your role in a sexting exchange is an easy, low-stakes way to acquaint yourself with all the fun that is BDSM sexting.

Being Safe

Like any other BDSM exchange, kinky sexting requires consent and a safeword. A safeword gives you both the ability to dip out of a conversation that isn’t working for you anymore. It’s a little more involved than consent because consent is usually a verbal “yes” provided at the beginning of sexual activity. A safeword is an active knowledge that a “no” can be given at any time, for any reason, and it will have to be respected. It’s a great way to keep both partners engaged with the other person’s level of pleasure. So, when you know your partner’s on board, exchange safe words in case the encounter gets to be overwhelming for either of you.

Discuss your boundaries up front. If you don’t want any discussion of force, mention this beforehand. If you hate anything that has to do with fear play, say that, too. You may not know all your boundaries before you start experimenting, and that’s okay. That’s what your safe word is for.

Being safe during a BDSM sexting encounter also means you need to consider the platform you use. Remember that often-used platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Skype don’t allow sexual images. If you’re sexting someone you don’t know online, ensure you use a site that verifies the users’ ages and protects your privacy.

Dream Up What You Want to Say

Depending on your role, you’ll want to create a stimulating way to engage in a virtual fantasy together. If you feel like you want to take control, you may start by sexting a set of instructions or a wish list to your sexting partner. This could include telling them what you want them to wear, do, or think about throughout the day. Then, depending on what kind of sub you have (whether a perfect angel type or a bratty type), you will get a complaint or non-compliant response. The more familiar you are with your partner, the easier it will be to pick out consequences that they will like, and that will inspire them to bend to your will. You can perform discipline and correction from a distance as well. You can even request photo evidence that they are holding up their end of the bargain.

If you’re on the submissive side of the spectrum and you want to start a sexting scene, consider whether you’re more in the mood for reprimands or rewards. If it’s the former, send your partner a picture of you doing something you know they would disapprove of. On the other hand, if you’re feeling like a good little submissive, you could send them a picture of you doing something you know they like.

The more you practice, the easier and more natural it will feel next time you and your partner share a scene remotely. In no time, you’ll both be pros.

Post sponsored by Arousr.