banner ad for Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo Lux says This is bad expert level toy

About us


We help kinksters like you have happy, healthy power exchange relationships. No matter how you define BDSM and no matter what kind of kinky relationship you want, we’re here to help!


We are John Brownstone (the Dom) and Kayla Lords (the sub), a married D/s couple, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences on this thing we call BDSM.

Grow and Learn With Us!


In our weekly podcast, we discuss all aspects of how to have a happy, healthy power exchange relationship.


You can watch the podcast during a weekly live stream, plus learn more about BDSM, check out product reviews, and more!


We believe in having a community to help you grow and to offer support on this BDSM journey. Join our kinky community on Patreon!

banner with Loving BDSM logos and text extra help, info, and fun stuff

Still trying to figure out how you feel about D/s, power exchange, and BDSM? Sign up for 30 Days of D/s, a free email program to help you think about BDSM in a more manageable way and figure out what YOU want. Learn more here.

In 2021, we’re re-introducing Kinky Book Club and encouraging kinksters who enjoy reading to join in! We’ll alternate between fiction and non-fiction books. Discussions will be videos on our YouTube channel with more conversations happening in our Patron-only Discord server. View the 2021 list here!

Feel like a total noob? Don’t know what you don’t know? We offer resources for new kinksters here on our site and a list of resources you can find around the internet. Start with D/s for Beginners and then check out our BDSM resource page.

Do you like BDSM toys, kinky gear, and fun swag? You can shop John Brownstone’s kinky store at The Kinkery or buy Loving BDSM merch on Redbubble!

Check out the Loving BDSM Blog

We share tips and how-tos, answer BDSM questions, offer our thoughts and insight, share product reviews, and publish the show notes for every podcast episode on our blog! Take a look!

Loving BDSM minisode 23 on BDSM checklists

Miniside 23: BDSM Checklists

BDSM checklists are great for figuring out what kinks you want to try, what you don’t want, and what you’re not sure about. Because they get recommended so often (especially to newer kinksters), we...

blog banner says consent for 30 days of D/s with image of two wooden figures and a red x over the head of one of the figures

How to Know When You Have Consent

We’ve talked about consent a LOT around here. (Scroll to the end for a list if you want to deep-dive into this topic). And we’ll continue doing so because (in our view) it’s one...

episode 272 of the Loving BDSM podcat

How to Know When It’s Time to Break Up

We want everyone to have happy, healthy power exchange relationships. But we also know that not every relationship is meant to last. Staying in one that doesn’t serve you or the other person doesn’t...

masculine person wearing leather harness for Stockroom banner ad