banner ad for ElectraStim

About us


We help kinksters like you have happy, healthy power exchange relationships. No matter how you define BDSM and no matter what kind of kinky relationship you want, we’re here to help!


We are John Brownstone (the Dom) and Kayla Lords (the sub), a married D/s couple, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences on this thing we call BDSM.

Grow and Learn With Us!


In our weekly podcast, we discuss all aspects of how to have a happy, healthy power exchange relationship.


You can watch the podcast during a weekly live stream, plus learn more about BDSM, check out product reviews, and more!


We believe in having a community to help you grow and to offer support on this BDSM journey. Join our kinky community on Patreon!

banner with Loving BDSM logos and text extra help, info, and fun stuff

Still trying to figure out how you feel about D/s, power exchange, and BDSM? Sign up for 30 Days of D/s, a free email program to help you think about BDSM in a more manageable way and figure out what YOU want. Learn more here.

In 2021, we’re re-introducing Kinky Book Club and encouraging kinksters who enjoy reading to join in! We’ll alternate between fiction and non-fiction books. Discussions will be videos on our YouTube channel with more conversations happening in our Patron-only Discord server. View the 2021 list here!

Feel like a total noob? Don’t know what you don’t know? We offer resources for new kinksters here on our site and a list of resources you can find around the internet. Start with D/s for Beginners and then check out our BDSM resource page.

Do you like BDSM toys, kinky gear, and fun swag? You can shop John Brownstone’s kinky store at The Kinkery or buy Loving BDSM merch on Redbubble!

Check out the Loving BDSM Blog

We share tips and how-tos, answer BDSM questions, offer our thoughts and insight, share product reviews, and publish the show notes for every podcast episode on our blog! Take a look!

episode 255 of the Loving BDSM podcast

Advocating for Yourself in BDSM

The word “advocacy” in terms of power exchange and BDSM has been on our minds a lot lately, so it’s time to do an episode about it. We used a non-kink list of how...

episode 254 of the Loving BDSM podcast

Boring Ruts and Routines in Power Exchange

Boring implies “bad” but we don’t think that’s always the case. The reality, though, is that long-term relationships, kinky or otherwise, can find themselves in a rut or routine after a while. So let’s...

episode 253 of the Loving BDSM podcast on apology languages

Figuring Out Our Apology Language

We’ve talked about love languages before, and we’ve talked about making mistakes and needing to apologize. So imagine our delight when we discovered there’s a thing called an apology language (based on the 5...

episode 252 of the Loving BDSM podcast

Fantasy vs Reality in D/s

We’ve said it many times but never really focused on it — the fantasy of D/s, kink, and BDSM can’t match the reality. That’s not a bad thing, unless you convince yourself you’re failing...

masculine person wearing leather harness for Stockroom banner ad